Proverbs 18:14

“The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit—who can bear?” NRSV

I think that betrayal is the worst experience in life. Most things are easy to rise above, or, if necessary, easy to endure. You simply put one foot in front of another and walk through it. But betrayal breaks the spirit. It makes you want to say, “What’s the point?”

Betrayal exists all around us. Most of the times, we set ourselves up. We create expectations of relationships, of circumstances, and when things don’t work out the way we planned or intended or hoped, we are betrayed. And it hurts. It hurts a lot! In these situations, however, we need to look within ourselves. Were our expectations unreasonable? For example, we usually expect that our employers will treat us fairly. Our expectations are based on the idea that our employers, our jobs are the source of our income, our livelihood. In these cases, our expectations are unreasonable. Our job isn’t the source of our income; the Lord is! And He never fails. So it doesn’t matter whether or not we lose our job. He will provide.

The Israelites were living in slavery to the Egyptians. Many died each day under the whips of their taskmasters. God freed them and took them in the desert where He feed them daily with manna provided from heaven. They no longer had to work (except to gather the manna and make it into bread or cakes). And even then, they complained:

“From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; but the people became impatient on the way. The people spoke against God and against Moses, “‘Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food.’” (Numbers 21:4-5 NRSV).

Their expectation was something different than their experience. God was providing for them and they still complained. We need to ask ourselves if God is providing and yet we’re still complaining? (Do we see our glass as half full or half empty?)

However, there are those situations where betrayal exists even when our expectations have been right on. Take family for instance. We have certain expectations about how our parents should behave, how our children should behave, how our spouses should behave. If we have done all that we are supposed to do (under God’s commands) and betrayal still occurs, it hurts. It hurts immensely. The hurt is real . . . and it is legitimate. This proverb is true when it says: “A broken spirit—who can bear it?” There is the real sense of not wanting to go into another relationship again because of the betrayal from the first one.

It is in these times that we must turn to God for His healing. I always go back to the cross. When the Lord Jesus was crucified, while He was dying on the cross, He said, “‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’” that is, “‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34). The Lord Jesus wasn’t asking if God had forsaken Him; He was asking why God had forsaken Him. The fact was there. Jesus expected the Father to be with Him always and God wasn’t.

The worst kind of betrayal.

But the Lord Jesus Himself is our example in the midst of betrayal. Only minutes after speaking this, He says, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” (Luke 23:43). Do you get this? Jesus commends His spirit to the very person who betrayed Him. Now, I’m not saying to commend yourselves to the person who betrayed you. I’m saying that God is faithful and true and we can commend ourselves to Him, even when it appears that He has betrayed us! Our betrayal has a place of refuge . . . under the wings of the Almighty who is loving and gentle and meets every need.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:13

“If one gives answer before hearing, it is folly and shame.” NRSV

I don’t know whether or not I’m a baby boomer, but I do know that I’ve grown up in the era of psychology. Everything is about learning how to relate to others, learning how to know one’s self, figuring out why we are dysfunctional.

One of the psychological “skills” that has been taught a lot is active listening. Wikipedia gives a great definition:

“When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next, (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening).

It’s interesting to me that the Bible was talking about active listening long before we even had psychologists. “If one gives answer before hearing . . .” Even if we hear the sounds that doesn’t mean that we are hearing the content. The reality is that if we are thinking about how to respond rather than truly listening, we are focusing (again) on ourselves rather than the other person. We are working on a “defense” for our own position, rather than really caring about how that other person feels (and thinks). We are concerned about protecting ourselves rather than trusting God to protect us.

Proverbs tells us that this kind of behavior is folly and shame. Folly because it’s foolish to think that we could protect ourselves anyway. Shame because it is sin.

Today as we have conversations with others, let’s practice really listening. Don’t worry about having a response right away. (There’s really nothing wrong with the silence while you think about what to say!). Instead focus on what the other person is saying (and feeling). Let’s learn how to be concerned about them and trust God to take care of us!

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:21

“Before destruction one’s heart is haughty, but humility goes before honor.” NRSV

Though my mom did a lot of amazing things in her life, she was basically unknown in a world filled with the famous and well-known. She never aspired to be an actress and yet she had a leading role in a movie starring a former Miss America; she also revised her role as Mary, the mother of Jesus in many churches. She never aspired to be a speaker, and yet she had her own radio show and appeared on television a number of times. She didn’t know how to write out music and yet she had three children’s musical published. If you were to meet her, you would think her charming but thoroughly ordinary. She was first and foremost a wife, mother, and homemaker. She sewed most of her own clothes, decorated her house with thrift store and yard sale finds, cooked almost every meal (burning her share of peas and corn), and lived humbly, never seeking fame or fortune.

And at her memorial service, over 500 people attended . . . to bring honor to the woman who spent her life serving those around her.

The comparison in this proverb is haughtiness and humility. Haughtiness (pride) is self-seeking, self-protective, self-concerned. Humility gently accepts whatever the Lord sends, trusting Him to take care and provide. The Lord’s prayer says “Give us this day our daily bread.” One simple line about provision . . . and yet infinitely profound. As manna was provided on a daily basis, the Lord provides our need on a daily basis. For today. The Lord Jesus commanded us not to concern ourselves about anything further than today: “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34). His provision is for today, this time, this hour.

If often think, as I stew about what I will do about the future, that all my worrying would be unnecessary should the Lord take me Home tonight! How much time I would have spent needlessly when I could have, instead, spent that time and effort on ministering to those around me, those whom the Lord placed in my path. Would I have smiled at that one and cheered her day? Would I have stopped to help that one and lightened his load? Would I have reached out and given generously, rather than hoarding for an unknown and uncertain future?

I believe that the difference between haughtiness and humility is ultimately perspective. The person who is haughty believes that her thoughts, resources, and time must first consider her own needs and concerns. The person who is humble thinks only of others and trusts God to take care of her. Haughtiness brings ultimate destruction; humility brings honor. Are we willing to risk and trust God that His Word is true?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:10-11

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. The wealth of the rich is their strong city; in their imagination it is like a high wall.” NRSV

America is imploding on itself. And, unfortunately, as America goes, often goes the rest of the world. Home foreclosures are up; unemployment is up. Institutions that were reliable are shaky, at best. While it’s important to be prudent, there may soon be no good choices left that provide for a stable economic future . . . except obedience to the Word. As believers, we always have a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because our trust isn’t in the institutions and economy of this world, but our hope is in the Lord. The apostle Peter wrote that “He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1:3b-4 NRSV). Our hope isn’t in the kinds of things that we can invest, accumulate, or even use in this world, but rather is in the inheritance kept for us in heaven.

We often focus on the things of this life: our housing, our food, our clothes, our jobs, our money, our investments, our retirement. And yet, the things—as believers—that we should be focusing on are not these:

“No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:24-25, 31-34 NRSV).

This is something my family is living right now, today. It’s hard not to think about, not to worry about where you will live tomorrow! It’s hard not to think about how to pay the bills, how to buy groceries. And yet, at every turn, when it seems darkest and that there is no provision, God is providing! And today, we have what we need.

Exodus 16 tells us the story about the manna. Manna was a heavenly grain, given by God, to the Israelites. Every morning they would go out from their tents and the manna would be laying on the ground. They would gather up the manna and make a bread that fulfilled all of their nourishment requirements. (They lived on manna for 40 years!). The interesting thing about the manna was that it would only last for that day; you couldn’t store it up. It would go bad . . . except from the sixth day to the seventh. On the seventh day—the day of rest—no manna would appear, but the manna from the sixth day would remain good for that seventh day.

God provided exactly what they needed to live and He provided it on a daily basis within the requirements of His Law. God will provide for all of us within the requirements of His Word. In other words, as we are told not to focus on money (we cannot serve two masters), but on His Word and learning to live in obedience to His Word, He will provide the rest. Money (financial resources, the things we need for daily life) are the easiest kinds of things for God to provide! And providing them are His job! Our job is to learn how to allow the fruit of the Spirit to flow through us!

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:6-7, 9

“A fool’s lips bring strife, and a fool’s mouth invites a flogging. The mouths of fools are their ruin, and their lips a snare to themselves. . . . One who is slack in work is close kin to a vandal.” NRSV

We talk a lot. We text. We phone. We email. We chat. Unfortunately, we tend not to talk to those who matter most. Have you ever gone to a restaurant and noticed that people are texting or talking on their cell phones and ignoring the people they’re eating dinner with? What we say, when we say it, to whom we say it . . . all of those things are important. We need to talk. But we need to choose to whom and when. Wrong talking brings ruin.

One of the reasons that texting, phoning, and the Internet has become so attractive is the characteristic of anonymity. We will say something to someone who is hidden from view much easier than we will say it to them in person. Evil loves the darkness; it loves to be hidden: “And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed” (John 3:19-20 NRSV).

For most of us, saying less in every situation would likely be a good thing. “Never be rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be quick to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven, and you upon earth; therefore let your words be few” (Ecc. 5:2 NRSV). Our words often get us into situations and often interfere with our relationships far more often than do our actions. Our words also often precede our actions. Once we say something, we are more likely to do it. Actions do not exist in a vacuum. We think, then we do. We often think, say, and then do. Saying something often lends the impetus to doing it. It’s interesting that the Lord linked what we say with what we think in our hearts: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14 NRSV). In a similar way, sinful actions are linked to what we say: “The words of their mouths are mischief and deceit; they have ceased to act wisely and do good” (Psalm 36:3 NRSV). The problem is that, with the Internet, with phones, we have so many more opportunities to say.

The second link to all this is that speaking is often connected to not doing. I’ve often heard of people who neglected the things they needed to do and instead spent time on their computers talking, discussing, posting, playing games. It’s interesting that the proverb links “slack in work” to vandalism. Vandalism is the willful and malicious destruction of property. The KJV translates the word as “waster.” In other words, one who is slack in work wastes . . . time, resources, relationships, opportunities. And we often put aside our work (our duty) to talk. You see, talking (particularly posting, chatting, texting) makes us feel important. It also takes up valuable time, focus, resources that could be spent on ministering to those around us (including our families). Some time keep a personal diary of how you spend your time. It can be very revealing. Our time is supposed to be spent ministering to those around us, bringing glory to the Father Who loves each and every one. How do we spend our time? Are we talkers or doers?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:5

“It is not right to be partial to the guilty, or to subvert the innocent in judgment.” NRSV

Ted Haggard was, at one time, the senior pastor of a mega-church in Colorado. He also was a closet homosexual. He lived two lives, one in the public eye, one in secret. About a year ago, a gay lover “outed” him and the scandal became a national disgrace. He was terminated at his church (with a very liberal severance package), placed in counseling with three well-known pastors (including Tommy Barnett from Phoenix and Jack Hayford from Foursquare), and surrounded with what was thought to be a good support system. He abruptly left that support system a few months ago and returned to his home in Colorado where he is now selling insurance and bagging on the Church in general. He recently did an interview Newsweek:

“Full Christian forgiveness eludes him. He believes that New Life cast him away when he needed it the most. As he says in the movie: ‘The Church has said go to hell.’ Haggard now thinks that he lashed himself too hard. ‘I understand why when a criminal is caught they will sometimes admit to things they didn't do,’ he says. ‘I wanted to overrepent, and I think I did overrepent. In my [resignation] letter to the church I said I was a deceiver and a liar, but I hadn't lied about anything except to keep quiet about what was going on inside me.’" (from http://www.newsweek.com/id/178726).

Unfortunately I believe that Ted Haggard is a victim in one sense: he, like many American Christians, is a victim of bad doctrine. He evidently believes that those who sin deserve a great deal of sympathy, understanding, and “help” in dealing with their sinfulness. He is right, however, that the Church failed to deal with him in a biblical manner. But what I think he doesn’t realize that a true biblical manner would have been far more severe than he received anyway.

What point is there in this? The point is that we, as a society, have become partial to the guilty. Rather than seeing sin as something from which the guilty needs to repent, we see sin as a result of dysfunction or abuse from which the guilty needs to be healed! The Bible never sees sin in this light.

The story of the woman in adultery is often quoted as a justification for not “judging.” Here is the passage from the gospel of John:

"The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.” (8:3-11a NRSV).

This is the portion of the story that is most often told. What has been left out is the rest of what Jesus said to the woman: “Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.” (8:11b NRSV). Now, here’s what’s interesting. Jesus did not deal with the cause of the woman’s decision to sin, to commit adultery. Often, in that day, women went into prostitution because their husbands had divorced them and their own families refused to take them back. The women had no means of financial support and their only options were either to become beggars or to become prostitutes. So the possibility was that Jesus was telling this woman that begging (and starving) was better than sin. Another alternative (for the adultery) was that this woman was in a loveless marriage and had found happiness with another man. Jesus was telling her to leave that relationship (cold turkey). There are a number of alternatives for why the woman chose to commit adultery. Any of them might have a solid psychological foundation.

Jesus didn’t deal with any of that! He simply (and rather abruptly) told her “from now on do not sin again.” In other words, while He was willing to forgive, He wasn’t willing to tolerate or excuse.
We need to be careful how we construct our thinking. Considering the guilty victims rather than sinners creates an entire set of doctrinal problems that places our thinking at enmity with scripture (and thus, with Father God). We are commanded in Romans 12:2 to “renew our minds,” to think as God thinks, to align our beliefs with that of scripture. We are to forgive easily, but we are not to ever tolerate or excuse sin.

If Ted Haggard had truly known that, he would have known that believers are admonished “not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother or sister who is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or robber. Do not even eat with such a one” (1 Corinthians 5:10 NRSV). In other words, his isolation should have been much more complete. Rather than receiving over and over, he should have been cut off from everyone in the Church. Why? Because such isolation is often what drives one to repentance. As it is, Haggard appears to have become simply more adroit with his excuses.

He still needs our prayers.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:3

“When wickedness comes, contempt comes also; and with dishonor comes disgrace.” NRSV

You know, we don’t really believe that the Bible is true. We say we do, but often we ignore things in it. We say, “Well, there must be another way” or “In this case, it won’t happen like this.” But the fact is, the Bible is unequivocally true. Everything it says will happen the way it says it. Period.

With wickedness comes contempt and with dishonor comes disgrace. In other words, we can’t hide our sin. “Be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23 NRSV).

King David was absolute ruler over all his kingdom. Not only that, but he could have any number of wives and be well within his rights . . . as long as the women he chose were available to marry him. In other words, he could have any woman except one who was already married. And, of course, human nature being what it is, he wanted a woman who was already married. We all know the story. He had an affair with her and she got pregnant. So, David arranged for her soldier husband to come home, hoping that the husband would have sex with his wife and never know that the baby she bore wasn’t his. Unfortunately for David, the husband was a more honorable man than his king and refused to enjoy his “vacation” while his men were still fighting and dying on the front lines. So David, in a frenzy not to have his sin found out, sent Uriah to the front lines to be killed in battle. And so he was.

I’m sure at this point, David breathed a sigh of relief. He took the grieving widow into his home and married her. Likely everyone in the royal court was complimenting David on his compassionate heart, taking another man’s poor widow as his wife, not knowing that David was really only doing it to hide his sin of adultery (and now murder).

But God saw and God knew. You see, there is no way to have wickedness without contempt, dishonor, and disgrace. Sin cannot exist in a vacuum. That’s why God’s forgiveness is so important. That’s why we should run (not walk) to the Throne the instant we sin and confess our sins, receive forgiveness. The apostle John wrote: “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Notice that it begins with “if.” The fact is, we aren’t automatically forgiven. We need to confess our sins. We often don’t. The reality is, we want to forget our sins, to ignore them, to pretend that we just weren’t that stupid.

Vine’s tells us that the Greek word John used for “confess” means “to confess by way of admitting oneself guilty of what one is accused of, the result of inward conviction.” When we confess, we (1) admit that we’re guilty, (2) acknowledge a conviction that what we did was wrong. Since we usually don’t like to be perceived as wrong, we often want to avoid confessing our sins. But we can’t receive forgiveness without confession. God has filled His Word with many if-then promises. We only receive the promise (the “then” part) when we do something first (the “if” part). IF we confess, THEN we are forgiven.

Sin is a horrible thing, something to be avoided at all costs. But if we do succumb, then we have a loving Father Who is faithful and will forgive us and cleanse us once we confess.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:2

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing personal opinion.”

Proverbs talks a lot about, well, talking! I think that we often confirm who we are (whether we want to be that person or not) when we talk. Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” And yet, we still talk. We talk in person. We talk (and text) on cell phones. We talk on the Internet. We talk, talk, talk. And a great deal of the time, we are “expressing personal opinion.”

It’s interesting that this proverb contrasts “understanding” and “personal opinion.” I always thought that my personal opinions were right! But as I grow older, I’m coming to realize that I’m often wrong. Ouch! James 1:19 tells us to be quick to listen and be slow to speak. How often do we listen, truly listen?

Listening is a ministry. When we listen, we give the gift of love and attention to the other person. We submit ourselves to them. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to each other. Philippians 2:3 tells us to esteem others as better than ourselves. We can do both of these things when we choose to listen rather than to talk. Do you know that you can learn how to pray for someone just by listening to what they have to say?

The other side of all this is that entrenched personal opinions often mean that we have stopped learning. If we are so convinced that we are right, then we don’t think there is anything left for us to learn. Many people have come to horribly wrong conclusions without much hope of ever changing because they have an invested stake in their opinions. As believers, we always want to be teachable, to understand that there is so much that the Holy Spirit still wants to teach us. All learning needs to be done through and with prayer, but we need to be always learning. A dear friend of mine, now in heaven, even in her 80's cultivated the friendships of many younger than her because of her desire to learn new things. (She bought her first computer at age 79!).

As we walk about our lives today, let’s practice listening more and talking less, at releasing our personal opinions in favor of being teachable. I’m game. How about you?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:1

“The one who lives alone is self-indulgent, showing contempt for all who have sound judgment.” NRSV

“Prayer opens a whole planet to a man's activities. I can as really be touching hearts for God in far away India or China through prayer, as though I were there. Prayer puts us into direct dynamic touch with a world. A man may go aside today, and shut his door, and as really spend a half-hour in India -- I am thinking of my words as I say them, it seems so much to say, and yet it is true -- as really spend a half hour of his life in India for God as though he were there in person. Is that true ? If it be true, surely you and I must get more half-hours for this secret service. No matter where you are you do more through your praying than through your personality.” S. D. Gordon

There is living and then there is living. In other words, there is existing, having our physical bodies be in a certain space and time, and then there is the purpose and focus for our living where our thoughts and priorities dwell. One can live alone physically and be in touch with the world at large through prayer and focus and concern. And one can live in the midst of the largest metropolis and be solely centered on her own agenda and concerns.

The key is self-indulgence. Webster’s gives this definition: “Indulgence of one's appetites, desires, or inclinations; -- the opposite of self-restraint, and self-denial.” Word Net gives this: “an inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires.” In other words, an addiction, a compulsion, something which drives us to do that which we know we shouldn’t do. We measure whether or not we are “one who lives alone” by whether or not we are self-indulgent. And we discover whether or not we are self-indulgent by becoming self-aware, self-judging. “But let a man examine himself, For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged” (1 Corinthians 11:28a, 31 NKJV). We need to critically look at what we do, what we say and judge whether or not it is sin. Sin is much more than gross murder or adultery, though those things are sin. “Now the works of the flesh are obvious: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these” (Galatians 5:19-21 NRSV). We may not commit fornication, but are we jealous of those around us? We may not practice witchcraft and casting spells, but are we at odds (enmity) with others? Some sin is easily spotted; others hide in the shadows and have become socially acceptable, even among Christians. Self-indulgence allows us to continue to sin with seeming impunity and it isolates us from God. We live alone.

And it’s foolish to live alone. Whether or not we express it, we show contempt for those who are wise (sound judgment) when we embrace our self-indulgence. In fact, we often become defensive, insisting that there’s nothing wrong with us and nothing wrong with what we are doing (or becoming). Rather than confessing our sins to each other (James 5:16), we insist that we are righteous and further isolate ourselves from others.

We live alone.

S. D. Gordon wisely understood that the Christian is an active member of society, but not only of the local society. Intercessory prayer allows us to live integrated with those around us, even globally. But in order to effectively intercede for others, we must cast off the burden of self-indulgence and learn self-control, self-discipline, and self-sacrifice.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:27-28

Proverbs 17:27-28

“One who spares words is knowledgeable; one who is cool in spirit has understanding. Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent. ” NRSV

“A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.” NLT

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain

We talk too much and we feel too much. Period. End of story. Somewhere, somehow, in our culture, the idea began to permeate that one who says a lot knows a lot. But you only have to listen to people through the media to know that’s not true.

Take a football game, for example. You used to be able to enjoy the half-time show, to watch college or high school bands who have rehearsed over and over for this one period of 15 minutes. It was great fun to see kids excel and enjoy their excelling. Now, if you’re lucky, you might see one or two minutes of the half-time show. For the remainder, we are bombarded with retired football players and coaches hashing out what they would have done if they had been in charge or on the field. As if saying these things somehow might change the course of the game!

And, unfortunately, armchair quarterbacking isn’t reserved for football or even just to sports. We tend to analyze what we would have done in the lives of, well, just about everyone around us. Did we ever stop to think that such nonsense is actually akin to gossip? That instead of talking with each other, if we have a true concern about someone, perhaps we should instead be praying?

“A truly wise person uses few words.” Obviously, I’m not truly wise because, rather than shut up, when I’m stressed I tend to talk . . . and talk and talk and talk. (As if my talking will somehow change the situation.)

Have you ever tried to change someone’s mind or opinion? On many Internet sites, “discussions” are rampant. And I use the word “discussion” lightly because discussion implies some kind of give and take. And most people involved in these discussions are more concerned about giving (talking) and much less concerned about taking (listening). But the fact is, the more we talk the more the other person digs in their heels and refuses to change. We somehow think that if we say enough (or at least say the right thing) they will suddenly “come to their senses” and agree with us.

Would you? Does someone’s talking change your mind? It doesn’t mine (well, rarely).

“Even fools who keep silent are considered wise.”

All of this boils down to, I think, being self-controlled. It’s not something we talk much about these days. But it’s part of the fruit of the Spirit! As Christians, we should practice self-control. And practice we must because it’s not something that comes naturally. But then again not any part of the fruit of the Spirit comes naturally. It goes against the grain, goes against our flesh nature. And God is enough of a gentleman not to impose His Spirit upon us.

I was reading S. D. Gordon again this morning. He wrote:

“There is one inlet of power in the life -- anybody's life -- any kind of power: just one inlet -- the Holy Spirit. He is power. He is in everyone who opens his door to God. He eagerly enters every open door. He comes in by our invitation and consent. His presence within is the vital thing. But with many of us while He is in, He is not in control: in as guest; not as host. That is to say He is hindered in His natural movements; tied up, so that He cannot do what He would.” (from http://www.raptureready.com/resource/gordon/gordon9.html).

When the Spirit controls our lives, we are self-controlled in all that we are. We are self-controlled in our speaking and in our feelings. There is nothing in scripture that says we are to let our bodies—our emotions, our thoughts, our actions—simply go where they might take us. Paul wrote: “I punish my body and enslave it” (1 Corinthians 9:27) and “we take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). That is self-control.

It’s interesting that James places speaking and getting angry in conjunction with each other: “let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). I think that’s because often, as we talk, we become emotional, riled up, infuriated even. And often we become angry because we have failed to truly hear what the other person is trying to communicate. We haven’t been quick to listen, but rather have been quick to get in our opinion, our perspective.

Self-control is not speaking even when you might have something wonderful to say. Self-control is praying (even silently within your heart) and allowing God to change who He will. I know for myself I need to practice listening more and speaking less. And I need to begin today.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:24

“The discerning person looks to wisdom, but the eyes of a fool to the ends of the earth.” NRSV

These are dire times. In most cases, regardless of the time of life or the circumstances surrounding us, these are dire times. There are few days of rest and relaxation, many days of concern and emotional buffeting. And in those times of stress and struggle, we often wear ourselves out looking for solutions to our problems rather than simply laying those problems at the feet of our Savior. In illness, we search for medicines and doctors and treatments. In financial distress, we search for jobs and loans and money. In emotional distress, we search for friends and relationships and happiness. Scripture tells us that “the discerning person looks to wisdom.”

And, fortunately for us, wisdom isn’t a what, but a Who. Wisdom is our Lord who is all knowledge, all wisdom, all solutions to our problems. The psalmist writes: “I lift up my eyes to the hills—from where will my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121: 1-2 NRSV). Our help doesn’t come from the heavens or the earth, but rather from the Creator of them. The “eyes of the fool” look to the ends of the earth for solutions to problems. The discerning look to the Creator of the earth.

S. D. Gordon, a Christian from the turn of the previous century (1856-1936) once wrote: “You can do more than pray after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray before you have prayed.” It’s a quotation that I printed and framed and have hanging on my office wall. The fact is, we cannot seek solutions to our problems unless we have first sought the Lord. He is the solution to all of our problems and the discerning person looks to Him before she looks to do anything else.

S. D. Gordon writes further: “The greatest thing any one can do for God and for man is to pray. It is not the only thing. But it is the chief thing. A correct balancing of the possible powers one may exert puts it first. For if a man is to pray right, he must first be right in his motives and life. And if a man be right, and put the practice of praying in its right place, then his serving and giving and speaking will be fairly fragrant with the presence of God. The great people of the earth to-day are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer; nor those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer, but I mean these people who take time and pray. They have not time. It must be taken from something else. This something else is important. Very important, and pressing, but still less important and less pressing than prayer. There are people that put prayer first, and group the other items in life's schedule around and after prayer. These are the people to-day who are doing the most for God; in winning souls; in solving problems; in awakening churches; in supplying both men and money for mission posts; in keeping fresh and strong these lives far off in sacrificial service on the foreign field where the thickest fighting is going on; in keeping the old earth sweet awhile longer. It is wholly a secret service. We do not know who these people are, though sometimes shrewd guesses may be made. I often think that sometimes we pass some plain-looking woman quietly slipping out of church; gown been turned two or three times; bonnet fixed over more than once; hands that have not known much of the softening of gloves; and we hardly give her a passing thought, and do not know, nor guess, that perhaps she is the one who is doing far more for her church, and for the world, and for God than a hundred who would claim more attention and thought, because she prays; truly prays as the Spirit of God inspires and guides. Let me put it this way: God will do as a result of the praying of the humblest one here what otherwise he would not do. Yes, I can make it stronger than that, and I must make it stronger, for the Book does. Listen: God will do in answer to the prayer of the weakest one here what otherwise He could not do” (from http://www.raptureready.com/resource/gordon/gordon9.html).

In the midst of our storm, rather than be obsessed with doing, we should be obsessed with praying, with seeking out the wisdom that comes from the Father and with which He is fully ready and able to take care of the storm for us if we will but allow Him to do so.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:22

“A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.” NRSV

We visited a church with our kids on Sunday. The pastor, in trying to make a point about honesty, addressed the dynamic that occurs when friends meet together: “How are you?” “I’m fine.” He concluded that often the “I’m fine” is actually a lie because we aren’t fine.

But are we?

As Christians should we have any opportunity for griping or complaining, moaning or groaning? Or are we actually stating a truth when we say “I’m fine,” a truth that perhaps we really don’t embrace but which is a truth nonetheless? Paul wrote: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NRSV). All things work together for good. In other words, if we aren’t fine now, we are soon going to be so because God is working everything together for our good. That’s a promise worth clinging to. We are fine because God is working things out. Even those things we can’t see still contain His hand, His plan.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul wrote: “Five times I have received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I received a stoning. Three times I was shipwrecked; for a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers and sisters; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, hungry and thirsty, often without food, cold and naked” (11:24-27 NRSV). And yet, in 4:17, he calls these things “light afflictions.” The NCV calls them “small troubles.” And if these things are small troubles, then surely what we are going through is minuscule! Why would we not have a cheerful heart?

I think we need to ask ourselves where we focus our attention. Are we focusing on our glass being half empty or half full? The man who is dying of thirst would cheerfully accept a half glass of water, while only the glutton would complain that there was only a half glass instead of a full glass. If we expect to have all of our lusts fulfilled, then we will complain when God blesses us with just enough for today. If we expect the road to be difficult and full of “light afflictions,” then we will rejoice when the burdens are lightened further by God’s blessings.

The fact is, we need to be that cheerful heart in the midst of a dying world. We need to be that good medicine. And we aren’t being fake or false or untruthful when we do say, “I’m fine,” because the fact is, because of the Lord Jesus, we are fine! We are more than fine. We are “more than conquerors” (Romans 8:37) because we have the Lord and all that He wants to give us. Let’s be that cheerful heart in the midst of the sorrow.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:21

“The one who begets a fool gets trouble; the parent of a fool has no joy.” NRSV

Foolish children aren’t born, they’re made . . . by their parents. As Americans, we are so brainwashed with certain ideas, often we aren’t even aware that we are allowing our children to raise themselves, rather than taking the constant responsibility to teach them as we should. Recently, on the Wrightslaw web page (a service for parents who have children with disabilities), an Indian child specialist commented about how American parents ask their children, rather than simply telling them (or compelling them). In other words, we give our children choices, as if somehow having options is a teaching tool. (In fact, there are teachers that teach that way in the classroom, often to the downfall of education.)

Presenting options to a person assumes that the person can tell the difference between the wise and the foolish and will instinctively make the wise decision. However, that isn’t the way we are born. The apostle Paul even acknowledged that as a saved adult, he struggled with making the correct choices: “For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do” (Romans 17:18-19 NRSV). And yet, if we as parents present our children with choices, our expectation is that the children will make the wise, the righteous choice.

One of the things we need to remember is that choices become habits. If our children are given the opportunity to choose over and over again, the basis of that choice becomes a habit. So, if the child chooses based on the lusts of his flesh, then that basis becomes a habit . . . hard to break.

Do children know how to choose wisely? To answer that, we must ask ourselves, do children know how to choose and deny their own wants and desires? And, given the choice, will they always choose to deny themselves? (Because that is the wise choice.) When we allow children to make choices, we need to understand what we are actually allowing them to practice. What is practicing choices really going to teach them?

First, if we allow them to make wrong choices, then we need to never mitigate the consequences. And even that may not teach children to make good choices because the consequences may not have meaning for them. They may not even be able to connect the consequences with the action (or may not care). For example, if we allow children to go to school in the snow wearing shorts and flip flops, the fact that they are praised by their peers (for doing something their peers weren’t allowed to do) may be a greater consequence than the serious cold that they get being exposed to the cold.

Second, if we allow them to make wrong choices, they may become addicted to choosing based on their wants and desires rather than making good choices based on what is best. In other words, practicing making choices may not accomplish what it is we really want to accomplish and may, in fact, raise a foolish child who will do everything possible to avoid mature adult decisions in the future.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train children in the right way.” The word chanak also means to narrow. If we narrow their way (only allowing them to make wise decisions), we actually train them how to live and create habit patterns that will stay with them for life. If we want to have joy in our children, we need to be willing to invest time and effort in raising them to make wise decisions. (For some of us, don’t we wish that our parents had done that?)

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:19

“One who loves transgression loves strife; one who builds a high threshold invites broken bones.” NRSV

I have a terrible tendency to want, to need to be right. And if my opinions, my way is always right, then I am likely going to be in contention with those around me who see and perceive the world differently than I do. Psalm 94:4 equates arrogance (the need to be right): “They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast” (NRSV). Demanding that only our way is right is the same as boasting. And arrogance isn’t the way of the believer. The believer is called to be humble. In fact, when we are humble, we are obedient, but when we are not humble—when we are arrogant and self-seeking—we are living in strife with those around us and are in sin. In fact, it is impossible to please God unless we are humble: “Before I was humbled I went astray, but now I keep your word.” (Psalm 119:67 NRSV).

The fact is, those of us who love to be right love strife because it’s in strife that we are proven right. We are attracted to debates, to “hot” topics, to the more edgier conversations (sarcasm, etc.). The problem is that such tendencies lead to sin because they place us above others. This isn’t how a Christian is supposed to act: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4 NRSV).

The KJV translates “selfish ambition” as “strife.” Interesting, because this is the same idea that Proverbs is saying. In other words, if the other person becomes angry, hurt, or offended because of something we said or did, then we need to rethink what we did. Do we so love to be right that we invite strife?

There are standards which we can’t cross, but how we uphold them may be as important as the standards themselves. Are we humble, kind, and gentle in our upholding? Or are we arrogant and demanding? Are we more concerned about loving others and being obedient . . . or are we more concerned about being right? There is a balance and that balance involves our being willing to take any hurt that may result, rather than asking the other person to suffer because of us.

The other point may involve emotional detachment. Most proverbs are written in couplets; that is, they both say the same thing too different ways. Think about building emotional walls, a high threshold. Those of us who refuse (or are reluctant) to be vulnerable at the risk of being hurt may actually invite hurts into our lives. If we are expecting to be hurt, then likely we will be easily offended. If we, instead, trust the Lord to protect us and understand that how others are feeling is more important than how we are feeling may actually suffer less. If we seal ourselves off from others because we don’t want to be hurt anymore, we may actually be inviting hurts to come. The slivers of life may harm us more greatly than huge boulders hurt the one who is trusting God in all things.

The fact is, the Lord wants us to get our eyes off ourselves and onto those around us. There isn’t even one time in our lives where we are allowed to think about our own priorities, our own desires, our own needs. To care for us, that’s the Lord’s responsibility and He’s infinitely good at it! To care for others, that’s our responsibility and it’s something we need to practice with much greater effort.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:17 (again)

“A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.” NRSV

These days everything is throw-away. We love our fast food disposable society. Our cars break down; we buy new ones. Our homes need remodeling; we buy bigger ones. Our relationships sour; we find new “families.” We’ve lost an important sense of investment in life. Rather than invest, we throw out. And we fail to learn many important lessons when we live like this. We also may find ourselves on the short end of the stick when adversity strikes because we won’t have established the kind of relationships and skills that are necessary to persevere through the hard times.

It’s interesting that this proverb talks about “kinsfolk” as being those born to share adversity. There is an importance in family. If not, God wouldn’t have equated the Church with family. In fact, the institution of family isn’t an earthly creation, but rather a heavenly one: “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.” (Ephesians 3:14-15 NRSV). When we relate within a family structure, we are imitating heaven. And when we discard our family in the name of convenience or discord, we are denying the importance that God places on family.

The fact is, family doesn’t come easily. Regardless of relation of blood or legal ties, a family is a group of people with different perspectives who will, at times, be in discord. Sometimes the hurt within family members is so deep as to cause horrible discord. But as believers it is our job to rely upon the power of the Holy Spirit to look for ways to minister rather than ways to separate.

If kinsfolk are born to share adversity, then not only is our family to be there for us when we are experiencing adversity, but we are to be there for them! And even more so if we are believers and they are not. We live in the power of the Holy Spirit, able to express His fruit in our lives, to reach out to those who are hurting and lonely and angry in a far more able way than those who aren’t saved. How sad that we often leave unbelievers to themselves to try to work out their adversity when we have living within us the One Who can vanquish all hurts, dry all tears.

If we look at this verse in a metaphorical sense, we are born (again) to share the adversity of the family, both our earthly family and our heavenly family. One of the purposes that we are left on this earth is to reach out to those who are hurting around us in the love and power of the Holy Spirit. If we believe that God truly loves us and will care for us, then we are able to shed our own personal concerns and be concerned for those around us. We are born again to share adversity. When we realize our purpose in life, we are more able to focus ourselves where we should, not on our own concerns, but on the concerns of those around us.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:17

“A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.” NRSV

Prior to the giving of the Holy Spirit (in the NT), those who followed the Lord (predominantly Israelites) had only the capacity for earthly love, not for heavenly or agape love since they loved out of their own ability and not through the spiritual ability of the Spirit. However, there were still higher standards of behavior given. In the Law, the Lord required:

“You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. 18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:17-18 NRSV

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. It was this law that was discussed by the lawyer and the Lord Jesus in Luke 10:

“Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’

“He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’

“He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.’

And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’

“But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’” (v. 25-29 NRSV).

As yourself. How do we love ourselves? Well, first, as the proverb states, we love ourselves at all times. We may not always like ourselves, but we surely always love ourselves in the sense that we are always looking out for our interests first. Even in the cases of suicide (extreme self-destruction), we are being self-centered. Our baseline position is always to do what we want to do or what we decide to do, to think of ourselves first, to serve our own purposes. And so, we love ourselves at all times. Father God commanded (in the Law) that we love our “neighbor” as ourselves, at all times. This is echoed in this proverb: “A friend loves at all times.”

A friend is a confident, a personal companion, someone with whom we share our lives, our experiences, even our intimate thoughts. Unfortunately these days we make “friends” with just about anyone and everyone, sharing ourselves freely and then taking offense when we are hurt. We want friends for ourselves, but we find ourselves not necessarily being good friends to others. Again, because our position often is self-centered, self-grasping.

Rather than look at this proverb in the sense of what we should expect from our friends, perhaps we should ask ourselves what kind of friend should we be to others? A friend loves at all times. And, as believers, we live under the definition of agape, God-love, given in 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (v. 4-7 NRSV). How can we, as a friend, love all the time? The first thing, I think, is to forgive all the time. We bear all things, endure all things, including offenses against us or faults in others that we despise. We continue to forgive and aren’t irritable or resentful when those around us do hurtful things.

It’s interesting that the first component listed in this list is patience. Strong’s defines patience as “to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others; to be mild and slow in avenging; to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish.” Having patience is about the willingness to suffer without complaint or vengeance, about the willingness to endure pain and discomfort without moaning and groaning and making everyone notice how much you are suffering. It is out of patience that all the other characteristics of love bloom. One cannot be kind if one isn’t patient. One cannot avoid envy or boastful or arrogance or rudeness unless one is first patient. We, as humans, are like a mass of balls let loose in a pinball machine at the same time, We bang against the circumstances of life and each other, often causing harm where there is no intent. But because we are not patient, we hurt others.

A friend loves at all times. There is a saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” To be honest, it seems like we as believers have become softer as time goes on. And believers were never intended to be soft, to be incapable, to be (in local vernacular) wooses. “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13 NSRV). All things. Why? Because we do it through Christ Who Himself strengthens us. The God of all power and might stands beside us, behind us, within us to strengthen us to be patient, to be kind, to be loving, to be longsuffering . . . to be a friend who loves at all times.

Perhaps rather than asking ourselves why our friends aren’t the kind of friend we need, we should ask ourselves what kind of friend we are to others?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).