and do not reject your mother’s teaching;
for they are a fair garland for your head,
and pendants for your neck.” NRSV
I have a dear cousin who is looking to move to Argentina. In her pursuit, she has retained an Argentinian attorney, a young woman in her mid-20s. That, in itself, isn’t unusual, even in the United States. Here in the States, there are many young women who are beginning their careers as attorneys, doctors, nurses, teachers.
What is unusual is that this young woman, who is engaged to be married, is living at home (as is her fiancé) and has not yet set the date of her wedding . . . on the advice of her parents. In fact, at the order of her (and his) parents. Both parents, having gone through this very exciting, hormonal stage of life, know that emotions often jump ahead of sense and have told their children—their adult children—that they cannot marry until they have saved enough money for a house. So the two live at home, under their parents’ roof (and control), and obey.
Amazing!
Except, in Argentina, it is culturally acceptable for parents to remain as their adult children’s advisors. It’s culturally acceptable for younger adults to receive the advise, admonitions, and yes, even the orders of older adults. The “teenage rebellion thing” that is so common in America (and accepted as being developmental) doesn’t exist in Argentina . . . or in other countries (which means it’s not developmental, but rather cultural).
In Proverbs, we are told “hear your father’s instruction and do not reject your mother’s teaching.” And while this command begins as “my child,” it becomes clear from the context of Proverbs that the hearer is not a young (minor) child, but rather the adult child of elder parents. In other words, God’s command is that younger adults aren’t to simply become independent and headstrong, but are to remain respectful and submissive to their parents’ teaching.
One of the results of the western world accepting evolution as scientifically valid is that we have also begun, unconsciously even, to apply evolution to social development. Dr. Henry Morris, in The Long War against God, states that “the breakdown in society’s moral standards is directly related to its abandonment of creationism” (p. 135). One of the results of accepting evolution is the loss of absolute values and the embrace of moral relativity. “What’s right for me isn’t necessarily what’s right for you.” The logical next step of this that we can’t tell other adults what they should or shouldn’t do, including our own children.
Another aspect of accepting elder advice is that many of us have difficult relationships with our parents. Whether or not our parents actually abused their parenting rights, many of us look back on our childhoods as a time when we were thwarted or exploited at every turn and we have pledged not to treat our children in the same manner. However, as Christians, our parenting should be proactive rather than reactive. In other words, rather than using our own experience upon which to base our parenting, we should turn to the Word. And here the Word is saying that adult children listen to their elder parents and, in fact, are blessed by taking their advice.
Some of us are still young adults and need to listen to the wisdom of those older than us. Even if the wisdom doesn’t fit with what we want or seems silly to us, we should prayerfully and seriously consider it, only rejecting it if it is contrary to God’s Word. Often those who have been before us can see what we, in our youthful enthusiasm, cannot see. They can see the long term consequences of our decisions where we might be living only for the moment.
Some of us no longer have parents and may be, in fact, in that stage of going from being adult children to being elders. Those of us on the “other side of the fence” need to take our responsibility very seriously. Advice and instruction to younger adults needs to be given with much prayer and study of the Word. We also need to be aware of the strong influence of social evolution and independence upon younger adults and use godly wisdom to when giving advice. In everything, we need to be loving and merciful.
All in all, as Christians, we need to realize that the instructional bond that is inherent between parent and child (even spiritual parent and spiritual child) isn’t broken at a certain age of “maturity,” but rather exists over a lifetime. If we are wise (which is the purpose of Proverbs . . . to become wise), we will turn from the inclination of our society and embrace that which God has established for our own good.
© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).
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