Proverbs 1:8-9

"Hear, my child, your father’s instruction,
and do not reject your mother’s teaching;
for they are a fair garland for your head,
and pendants for your neck.” NRSV

I have a dear cousin who is looking to move to Argentina. In her pursuit, she has retained an Argentinian attorney, a young woman in her mid-20s. That, in itself, isn’t unusual, even in the United States. Here in the States, there are many young women who are beginning their careers as attorneys, doctors, nurses, teachers.

What is unusual is that this young woman, who is engaged to be married, is living at home (as is her fiancé) and has not yet set the date of her wedding . . . on the advice of her parents. In fact, at the order of her (and his) parents. Both parents, having gone through this very exciting, hormonal stage of life, know that emotions often jump ahead of sense and have told their children—their adult children—that they cannot marry until they have saved enough money for a house. So the two live at home, under their parents’ roof (and control), and obey.

Amazing!

Except, in Argentina, it is culturally acceptable for parents to remain as their adult children’s advisors. It’s culturally acceptable for younger adults to receive the advise, admonitions, and yes, even the orders of older adults. The “teenage rebellion thing” that is so common in America (and accepted as being developmental) doesn’t exist in Argentina . . . or in other countries (which means it’s not developmental, but rather cultural).

In Proverbs, we are told “hear your father’s instruction and do not reject your mother’s teaching.” And while this command begins as “my child,” it becomes clear from the context of Proverbs that the hearer is not a young (minor) child, but rather the adult child of elder parents. In other words, God’s command is that younger adults aren’t to simply become independent and headstrong, but are to remain respectful and submissive to their parents’ teaching.

One of the results of the western world accepting evolution as scientifically valid is that we have also begun, unconsciously even, to apply evolution to social development. Dr. Henry Morris, in The Long War against God, states that “the breakdown in society’s moral standards is directly related to its abandonment of creationism” (p. 135). One of the results of accepting evolution is the loss of absolute values and the embrace of moral relativity. “What’s right for me isn’t necessarily what’s right for you.” The logical next step of this that we can’t tell other adults what they should or shouldn’t do, including our own children.

Another aspect of accepting elder advice is that many of us have difficult relationships with our parents. Whether or not our parents actually abused their parenting rights, many of us look back on our childhoods as a time when we were thwarted or exploited at every turn and we have pledged not to treat our children in the same manner. However, as Christians, our parenting should be proactive rather than reactive. In other words, rather than using our own experience upon which to base our parenting, we should turn to the Word. And here the Word is saying that adult children listen to their elder parents and, in fact, are blessed by taking their advice.

Some of us are still young adults and need to listen to the wisdom of those older than us. Even if the wisdom doesn’t fit with what we want or seems silly to us, we should prayerfully and seriously consider it, only rejecting it if it is contrary to God’s Word. Often those who have been before us can see what we, in our youthful enthusiasm, cannot see. They can see the long term consequences of our decisions where we might be living only for the moment.

Some of us no longer have parents and may be, in fact, in that stage of going from being adult children to being elders. Those of us on the “other side of the fence” need to take our responsibility very seriously. Advice and instruction to younger adults needs to be given with much prayer and study of the Word. We also need to be aware of the strong influence of social evolution and independence upon younger adults and use godly wisdom to when giving advice. In everything, we need to be loving and merciful.

All in all, as Christians, we need to realize that the instructional bond that is inherent between parent and child (even spiritual parent and spiritual child) isn’t broken at a certain age of “maturity,” but rather exists over a lifetime. If we are wise (which is the purpose of Proverbs . . . to become wise), we will turn from the inclination of our society and embrace that which God has established for our own good.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. RSV

From the Associated Press (Garland, Texas):An essay that won a 6-year-old girl four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert began with the powerful line: “My daddy died this year in Iraq.” While gripping, it wasn’t true — and now the girl may lose her tickets after her mom acknowledged to contest organizers it was all a lie.

The mother had told company officials that the girl’s father died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq, company spokeswoman Robyn Caulfield said. “We did the essay and that’s what we did to win,” Priscilla Ceballos, the mother, said in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW. “We did whatever we could do to win.” (c. 2007 Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

All of us are beginning to recover from the recent Christmas celebrations. We’re throwing out mounds of crumpled and used wrapping paper, freezing leftovers, packing away decorations, and helping our children gram their new toys in with their already closets-full of older toys. Yes, in the scheme of things, the ones that come out the “winners” of the present-fest are usually our kids (grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc.).

I was thinking about that last night when I saw again this report from the AP about a mother who was justifying her lie so that her daughter could win Hannah Montana concert tickets. I was thinking about it when a friend of mine said, casually as dinner, “Well, if you have children, then you have this (product) in your home.” I was thinking about it as I watched neighbor kids ride their new ATV’s on private property (without permission).

“We did whatever we could to win.”

Is that really what our children need? Do they so need the stuff, the happiness, the rush that we are willing to sacrifice anything (including our own morals) to give it to them?

I think that as a Church, we have become so entrenched with our society that we have failed to learn to ask: “Is this what’s best for our children?”

What’s interesting about Proverbs 22:6 is that the word translated into English as “train up” literally means “to narrow.” A related Hebrew word means “to strangle” (as to strangle someone in an attempt to kill them). Wow! Those words are extreme and yet, perhaps, God wants us to use extreme measures to help our children learn self-discipline and self-sacrifice. Certainly the mom who wrote the essay for the Hannah Montana tickets wasn’t “strangling” her own desires. She saw something that she wanted (for herself, for her daughter) and she did whatever was necessary to get it.

She admitted that.

Is that what we do? Do we so want our children to be happy, successful, popular, _________ (fill in the blank), that we are willing to do whatever it takes, including forfeiting their spiritual upbringing?

Now, I seriously doubt that most Christian parents would lie or cheat for their children.

Or would they?

When I was teaching third grade (many years ago), I had a proclaimed Christian father write an essay for his son (in my class) so that his son would win the essay context. Obviously even Christian parents aren’t excluded from such devious behavior.

However, let’s get closer to home. Will we go into debt for our children? Will we put their own lusts ahead of our own good judgment? Will we buy them the latest “whatever” so that we look like better parents in our community?

What are we willing to do . . . and is whatever that is based on wanting to raise our children rightly under God or based on our desire for them to be happy?

Scripture promises that our children won’t depart from the truth of scripture IF they are trained up, if, as children, their way is narrowed. Scripture doesn’t promise that children won’t depart from the truth if they are raised in a Christian home by Christian parents or if they attend church growing up or if they graduate from a Christian school. The fact is that raising children is our God-given responsibility and that way of raising them is to narrow their path while they are young so that, as adults, they will seek the narrow path when they are old. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that our Lord Jesus talks about the Christian path as also being narrow:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” (Matthew 7:13-14 RSV)

The question is, are we really narrowing the path for our children? Or are we living out our “lost childhood” through their lives? Which would benefit them more?