Proverbs 11:17

“Those who are kind reward themselves,
but the cruel do themselves harm.” NRSV

Our expectations kill us!

A number of years ago, I did a study on heart attitudes, those things we believe that are foundational about who we are as people, as individuals. The Lord showed me that, if we want to stop habitual sins, we need to examine the root of the problem: our heart attitudes. I think that the attitude that most controls us (and is the deadliest) is expectation. What we expect from others, from situations, from life determines the direction of everything: how we relate to others and how we respond.

Kindness is something we don’t practice much these days. It’s much easier to be self-assertive, to be demanding, to be angry and offended. We are kind when it’s instinctual to be kind, but other than that . . . As a society, we are less and less kind each day.

Unfortunately, the antonym of “kind” is . . . cruel! (And I can hear the protests now.) Cruel is the last thing I would consider myself to be. And yet, I’m sure that in my unthinking plundering around, I hurt people and am probably seen as being cruel (and heartless and unkind).

Hmm.

As with most characteristics of being a Christian, being kind isn’t something that I can just hope I will become. Rather, it’s something that I need to strategically and deliberately practice. And in order to become kind, I must be aware (confess) that I am unkind, that I am cruel, that I am unthinking (and uncaring) when it comes to those around me, that I think of myself first—of what I want, of what I hope to achieve—rather than thinking of others first.

In studying Proverbs, I keep coming back to Philippians 2:3:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.”

The NCV says it this way: “When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves.”

The NLT says it this way: “Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.”

I don’t think that anyone intentionally wakes up in the morning, determined to be cruel and mean. I think that, instead, we are frightened, untrusting people who are determined to make sure that we get what we think we need (and want), regardless of the consequences to others. In other words, we are often unwilling to suffer so that someone else doesn’t. And yet, because the world is full of suffering, the fact is someone is going to suffer. And if we are practicing kindness, we may be actually embracing suffering so that someone else doesn’t have to.

The Hebrew word translated here “kind” (actually “the person who is kind”) also contains the connotation of merciful. Someone who is merciful is someone who forgives readily and easily, who doesn’t demand payback or tit for tat, who allows others to be less than perfect and doesn’t try to even the playing field so that life becomes “fair.” When we are kind, we are patient, merciful, and loving. We are willing to sacrifice for the cause of others. We put their priorities ahead of our own.

Most of us have lived lives with the idea that “someday I’ll be able to do what I want to do.” The fact is, we are not our own. We have been bought with a price (the precious blood of the Lord Jesus) and every second that we live, we live to serve Him by reaching out to those around us in love, in mercy, in patience . . . in kindness. And by living this way, we do indeed reward ourselves because we gain the kingdom of heaven and eternity with our Lord! When we are cruel, we harm ourselves by separating ourselves from Him because of our sin. I think what we have to decide is whether or not we are going to be kind . . . today!

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).