Matthew 16:24-26

“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?’” NRSV

I’m constantly amazed how self-centered and selfish I am. And then I’m amazed that I’m amazed!

A number of years ago, a wonderful saint of the Lord, someone I called “aunt” all my life and loved as a second mother, someone whose name you would recognize and be surprised, said this: “As I get older, Robin, I realize how much I still need to grow and mature as a Christian.” At that time, I was astonished at what she said. My initial reaction was, “Well, if she feels she hasn’t arrived, then I don’t have any hope at all!”

The apostle Paul—a man whom most would admit was probably the greatest Christian of all time—considered himself to be the “very least of all the saints” (Eph. 3:8).

Oh my goodness!

I got to thinking of this again (and it’s something I usually end up thinking about several times a year) as I was thinking last night and this morning about “best friends.” Most of you know that I teach at an elementary school. And, so, of course, many of my students’ are obsessed with the idea of my “best” friend. Now, according to kids, a best friend is someone who is exclusively my friend, someone who prefers me above everyone else, and who will remain loyal to me through any situation.

In other words, this is someone who considers my needs paramount.

Well, that’s really what it boils down to. Having “my” best friend says a lot, the “my,” because it means that it’s all about me, what I need, what I want. It’s the same idea as having “my soul mate” for a spouse/partner. It’s all about someone else considering whether or not I’m happy, I’m content, I feel wanted.

That, my friends, is self-centeredness. Pure and simple. You see, I’d been bemoaning the loss of a friendship this week. There is this couple and we considered them to be very close friends (perhaps our closest friends). And then something happened that indicated that they might not consider us in the same light (to be their closest friends). It was a blow to me . . . and it shouldn’t have been. If I was truly denying myself and considering them first (Phil. 2:3), then this “loss” would have never occurred to me. Period.

I realized that I was operating under the very immature idea of “best friends,” exclusivity, wanting them to owe me something, to be loyal, to meet my needs.

The only person who can meet my needs is the Lord Jesus. If I truly feel that I want or need a best friend, He needs to be the person to whom I run, to whom I cling. Everyone else—running their own race of life, of spiritual maturity—will at some time let me down. The Lord Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother . . . or sister (Prov. 18:24).

With those around me, I need to rethink my expectations. Rather than expecting from them, I need to expect that I should be ministering to them, without thought for what I might get back in return. Any “return” on an earthly relationship is fleeting and will ultimately be unsatisfying. My thoughts need to be about giving to others . . . and receiving from the Lord!

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).