Proverbs 5:1-6

“My child, be attentive to my wisdom;
incline your ear to my understanding,
so that you may hold on to prudence,
and your lips may guard knowledge.
For the lips of a loose woman drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil;
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to Sheol.
She does not keep straight to the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it.” NRSV

You can’t turn on the TV anymore but that you don’t see an advertisement for something that is sexually-related. The ones I think I hate the most are from the online dating services, the ones where you can find your “soul mate” just by signing up on their website. One of the articles I read about online dating said that it’s possible that up to half of the people who sign up on online dating services are married.

It seems that many in America are looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that few are content with their life the way it is right now. I wonder how many of those married folks on online dating services also claim to be Christians?

Sexual promiscuity, whether with our bodies or in our minds, is a real problem. We are barraged from all sides by advertisements and entertainment that exudes sex. It seems that you can’t sell a beer or a swimsuit or a pencil without the commercial having some kind of sexual connotation.

Is that how God intended sex to be used?

Even in Solomon’s day, the lure for the forbidden, unknown sexual experience was a problem. The first few chapters of Proverbs, while containing other lessons, focuses on the problems of being enticed by prostitution and adultery. Certainly, the lure of a “better partner” can be extremely tempting, particularly if we attribute the problems in our lives to those around us rather than to us!

“For the lips . . . drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil . . .”

Brad Paisley sings a great song: “I’m So Much Cooler Online.” The fact is that dating someone new can help us hide the fact that there are quirks in our personality that make us difficult to live with. When we meet someone new, particularly when we can hide our faults behind the anonymity of the Internet, it seems to fix all those things with which we struggle in those more familiar relationships. We can truly be that cooler, more popular and attractive person in an Internet relationship, whether the relationship be on a dating service, in a chat room, by email. Adultery always seems better because it is limited in scope; it doesn’t deal with the day-to-day realities faced in building a marriage and a family.

But the fact is, adultery leads to death. Plain and simple. It is based on a lie and lies are the tools of the enemy. “Her feet go down to death.” In the end, adultery (whether physical or emotional) will leave you alone in your sin. There is no hope for those who want to build their house on the sand, as attractive as it might be.

As Christians, whether we are married or single, we need to be on constant watch to guard our hearts. For me, it goes back to Philippians 4:7 again:

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (NRSV).

The “peace of God,” or shalom, is that state of being right with God. In other words, it’s walking with Him, walking with Him, being in constant prayer, in constant communication with Him. That’s what will guard our hearts. If we are looking to Him for what we need, for what we should do, then we won’t take that first step to flirt with someone we meet online, to “just take a look” at that porn site, to just investigate what all the hooplah is about on that dating service. If we are keeping our eyes on Him and trusting Him to provide our every need, there won’t even be the temptation (when we are depressed or lonely or bored) to look somewhere else. He will always be all we ever need.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 4:24-27

“Put away from you crooked speech,
and put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.
Keep straight the path of your feet,
and all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
turn your foot away from evil.” NRSV

How much are we willing to compromise? Oh, I think I would be the first to protest and say that I never compromise, but that would be a lie, a compromise in itself. For when I want to win, to be right, to be in control, I’m more than willing to compromise. Unconsciously, I think I see it as some kind of trade-off. I guess it is. A trade of my righteousness for my desire.

Bad idea.

For the fact is, crooked speech isn’t always obvious. Deviousness isn’t always easy to see. When I put aside the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—and pick up a cause like a standard, I embrace crookedness and deviousness. I put myself in place of God Who is ever more concerned about each soul than He is who wins some kind of cultural or social war. The fact is, He wins each and every time because, over the long haul, God gets everything His way. Period. And when I’m willing to believe, somehow, that the end justifies the means, I lose. It’s that simple.

I visited a website this weekend that purports to be Christian. I say “purports” because many of the discussion boards are filled with anger, with rage, with insults, with demeaning talk. I don’t see patience there or kindness or gentleness or self-control. Rather I see people willing to embrace crooked speech, people willing to say just about anything if it means they “win” the argument. It seems to me it’s something like winning the battle but losing the war. How often do we embrace behavior that we know, in an isolated situation is wrong, in order to try to promote a cause we believe to be right?

“Turn your foot away from evil.”

It’s pretty straight forward. There doesn’t seem to be any room to compromise, even if the end in sight seems to justify what we are doing now. But the fact is, how is what we do in these situations any different from what Satan does?

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:15-16a NRSV).

Wolves aren’t classified by their “wolf-ness” but rather by their “fruits” (same word as that used in Galatians 5). By all other appearances they look like the sheep.

Ouch! Am I sometimes a wolf?

I think that I need to ask myself what’s important. Is it important that I exude the fruit of the Spirit or is it important that I advance the cause of Christ? What’s important to Him? The fact is, there isn’t anywhere that we are commanded to convince the world of the rightness of Christianity, only that we are to preach the gospel and to love each other as Christ loves us. I think that we get so obsessed with trying to prove our own position right, we forget that the war’s already been won.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 4:20-23

“My child, be attentive to my words;
incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them escape from your sight;
keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.” NRSV

“Keep your heart with all vigilance . . .”

There is a sense in scripture that the heart is the seat of the truth about who we are. We may sometimes behave as if we are someone or something else, but what is in our heart is who we truly are. The Lord Jesus said: “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart . . ." (Matthew 15:18a NRSV). Paul taught: “But thanks be to God that you, having once been slaves of sin, have become obedient from the heart . . .” (Romans 6:17a NRSV).

There is a connection between our heart, our thoughts, and our behavior:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24 NRSV).

“For from within, out of a person’s heart, come forth wicked thoughts . . .” (Mark 7:21 JNT).

The point being that there is a point, prior to sin, where we can prevent ourselves from being enticed by temptation, where we can guard against the urge to disobey God’s Word. The proverb says to “keep your heart with all vigilance.” How do we do that? I think that the answer lies in a passage in Philippians:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (4:4-7 NRSV).

I think that Paul is describing a lifestyle here, one that is based upon peace. But this peace isn’t the absence of conflict. Rather it is presence of God. Peace, or “shalom,” is the idea that we are at peace with God and is based upon the fact that we are forgiven, that our sins have been atoned for:

From A Commentary on the Jewish Roots of Romans:

“Paul understands ‘peace’ as being the direct result of ‘justification.’ Since justification is God's free gift of righteousness of man, even when he does not acknowledge, honor or give thanks to God, peace corresponds to righteousness in the sense of reconciliation. . . . The biblical ‘peace-offering’ was a general offering, not peculiar to the service of the Day of Atonement, but peace-offerings also importantly accompanied the people's renewal of the covenant. The purpose of all the sacrifices was to make atonement (lit. ‘to make peace’) between man and God. ‘Peace’ as ‘righteousness’ therefore relates to the reconciliation (at-one-ment)” (p. 179-180, Joseph Shulam and Hilary Cornu).

If we understand this, then, our peace comes from being right with God, and everything else flows from that. When we confess our sins and receive His forgiveness (1 John 1:9), we then are at peace with God because we have been reconciled to Him. Everything else in the Philippians passage flows from this: joy, gentleness, trust, prayer, thanksgiving. And it is these things which guard our hearts.

I think that, as contemporary believers, we have forgotten the power in confession. Our society is so focused on self-esteem. I’ve been in churches where old hymns of the faith have been discarded because they talk about humans in less than flattering terms:

Alas, and did my Savior bleed,
And did my Sov’reign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?” (“At the Cross,” Watts & Hudson)

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me!” (“Amazing Grace,” Newton)

I’ve known people who have changed John Newton’s words to “someone like me” rather than sing “wretch.”

“Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind—
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find—
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.” (“Just As I Am,” Elliott & Bradbury)

And yet, if we are not these things—if we are not wretched and sinful and blind and needy—then why do we go to the Throne? Why do we need God’s grace and love and provision? The first step in receiving is to understand what we lack. The first step in forgiveness is to understand that we are sinners. Are we greatly valued and valuable? Yes! But not from anything with us, but only because of the love of the Father Who sent the Son to die for us. Our value comes not from within us, but from within Him! And we desperately need to be reconciled to God the Father through the blood of our Lord Jesus.

Proverbs tells us to guard our hearts. We begin guarding by understanding the process of peace, by understanding that it is only through confessing our sins that we are reconciled to Him, have peace with Him. The peace of God which guards our hearts is the peace appropriated through confession, through receiving forgiveness. Only then can we implement that other steps of being joyful, acting with gentleness, trusting God, praying constantly, being thankful. And then our hearts are guarded with vigilance.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 4:18-19

“But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
which shines brighter and brighter until full day.
The way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
they do not know what they stumble over.”

I think that self-awareness and self-discernment are gifts of the Holy Spirit. Why? Because when we are open to the teaching of the Holy Spirit, He brings awareness and discernment into our lives, shining His holy light on that which we need to see.

“. . . they do not know what they stumble over.”

Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t know why my life is the way it is?” (Have you ever said or thought that yourself?) We used to work in an assistance ministry. People would come in for help with food, clothing, and furniture. Often, they seemed confused (and then angry about their confusion) because they couldn’t understand why their lives were the way they were. They blamed fate, society, those around them on their circumstances. Many wanted more and more and more and yet that wasn’t enough.

I remember one young mom. She had three children (different dads; no husband in the home). She was destitute and needed food, diapers, assistance with her utilities. And yet, when we dropped off the things to her home (she didn’t have a car), we found full cable hook-up, a big screen TV, cigarettes, liquor. She had no idea why her life was such that her children were starving. And yet, she was spending the money she did have like there was no tomorrow. There was a real lack of objectivity, of self-awareness, of discernment. She didn’t realize (couldn’t realize? wouldn’t realize?) that her very choices were the reasons for her circumstances.

“ . . . they do not know what they stumble over.”

Is this me? I think so sometimes. There are sinful habits with which I struggle, and yet, if I am brutally honest with myself, I will admit that I haven’t yet taken these habits to the Throne and surrendered them there. There is a “way of wicked[ness]” within me that remains still. I stumble around in the deep darkness, feeling helpless and not knowing what I’m stumbling over. I haven’t yet allowed the light of the Spirit into that corner of my life.

I need to do that.

The encouragement for me comes in the first phrase: “which shines brighter and brighter until full day.” In other words, the path of the righteous—my path—is a process, a journey. It isn’t a one-time-thank-you-ma’am experience. It is somewhere I must walk, one foot at a time, heading toward that Light which is my Savior. My goal must be to face the Light and take that one step today.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 4:14-17

“Do not enter the path of the wicked,
and do not walk in the way of evildoers.
Avoid it; do not go on it;
turn away from it and pass on.
For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong;
they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble.
For they eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.”

I think that most believers wouldn’t not consider themselves in any manner wicked. I mean, one doesn’t choose to follow Christ or to go to church due to their desire to be evil or mean or wicked. We choose God because we want to reject those things, but often they remain in our lives to haunt us. Old habits, they say, die hard.

Ain’t that the truth?

Whether it’s a hair-quick temper or a gossipy mouth or a jealous spirit, most of us struggle with some habitual problem.

Habit.

Wikipedia (not my favorite reference, but good in a pinch) defines habit this way: “an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically.” There are many things we do as a habit, do without thinking: brushing our teeth, walking, chewing, putting on a jacket, kissing. There are other things we do that can spark the desire to do something. This is called the antecedent event, the situation which triggers, in our minds, the desire to do something.

In my classroom, there is a telephone. There are also usually 20-40 rather hyperactive and inattentive students. So, I made a decision that, unless I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork, I wouldn’t answer my telephone but would rather allow the calls to go to voice mail. Well, I have to tell you that my students (who are the children of the cell phone age) just go nuts because I won’t answer the phone. The ringing is an antecedent event for them, the urge to answer the phone so strong.

If we look at many of the habitual sins in our lives, we may find that there are antecedent events which trigger the desire for the behavior. I think this is what the writer of Proverbs was eluding to when he wrote: “Do not enter the path of the wicked.” In other words, don’t even start there, avoid that antecedent event and you will avoid walking there.

I think about entering like opening a door and walking through. The door is there. We don’t have to open it. We can even walk by and ignore it. But it’s like going through a house that you want to buy. Even if you don’t like the house and know you aren’t going to buy it, there is that insatiable curiosity to find out what’s behind the closed door. And while we know what’s behind the door of that sinful, habitual behavior, there still is that compelling desire to go there.

Notice what this passage says: “Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.” Three admonitions to just not go there. I think that it’s important, as Christians, that we become self-aware enough to know what situations are the opening door to sin and to choose to avoid them.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 3:30-35

“Do not quarrel with anyone without cause,
when no harm has been done to you.
Do not envy the violent
and do not choose any of their ways;
for the perverse are an abomination to the Lord,
but the upright are in his confidence.
The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
but he blesses the abode of the righteous.
Toward the scorners he is scornful,
but to the humble he shows favor.
The wise will inherit honor,
but stubborn fools, disgrace.” NRSV

Most people I know are aware that I work in an elementary school. We live in a rather rural city which has a preponderance of low income families. Unfortunately, we also have a very large number of blended families. Many of our students don’t live with both of their parents; often children are actually bounced back and forth between two homes, even though the parents may live only a few minutes away from each other. And because these parents’ lives are already on overload, the parents often expect their children to take on adult responsibilities and commitments.

Yesterday, I took my first, second, and third grade music students on a field trip. It’s an annual event and one that we had excessively “advertised” for the entire semester. Yet, there were still children who didn’t get to go because their parents hadn’t taken the responsibility to sign the permission slip. It makes me sad for the children. And my usually response is to bag on the parents to other staff members.

I shouldn’t be doing that. First off, I don’t know the situation. Perhaps, if I were there, I would be as absent-minded and seemingly inconsiderate as they are. Secondly, the Lord loves those parents—even if they are being foolish—as much as He loves me. To speak meanly of someone else seems to me to be as violent as hitting them, and I’m admonished not to be violent, not to choose those ways.

The fact is, if I were brutally honest (which is how I need to be with myself), I would admit that at least part of my anger and frustration at these parents is that they are breaking up my chorus on a performance day. I had two kids with speaking parts who weren’t there because their parents didn’t sign the permission slips. Not at all charitable of me. (At least this year I knew enough not to let my anger be expressed in front of the children.) Yes, it also angers me that people are inconsiderate of their children who have no control over the situation. But, I also get angry because things don’t go the way I expect them to go.

I need to learn to be more loving, more forgiving.

There is a comparison in this passage between the scornful and the humble. The dictionary defines “scorn” as the “open dislike and disrespect often mixed with indignation.” Well, why do I get indignant? Most often because someone has stepped on my toes, ruined my plans, made me change what I wanted to do. It seems that scorn is a lot about what I want and not at all about loving, giving, ministering to those around me.

On the other hand, the dictionary defines “humble” as “not arrogant or assertive.” In other words, it seems to be a comparison—scornful and humble—between someone who wants/demands their own way and someone who is willing to let others have their way.

If scornful is wanting your own way, then God says (my very loose paraphrase) that if we demand our own way, ultimately, He will get His way regardless of what we want. In other words, He wins.

Well, yeah. That seems like something I should obviously know. And yet, how often do I try to fight against God? (Isn’t that absurd? Like I could win?)

I see being humble as being willing to be God-centered. And God is people-centered. So ultimately, my humility should bring me to the place where I’m willing for others to have their way (again and again and again) and trust God to take care of me, rather than trying to get what I need (or want) and focusing on that.

The promises in this for the believer who trusts Him are amazing:
• The upright are in His confidence
• He blesses the abode of the righteous
• To the humble He shows favor
• The wise will inherit honor

I wonder why I spend so much time trying to get for me when He has already promised that, when I trust Him, He will do it for me?

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 3:27-30

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come again,
tomorrow I will give it’—when you have it with you.
Do not plan harm against your neighbor
who lives trustingly beside you.
Do not quarrel with anyone without cause,
when no harm has been done to you.” NRSV

“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works? Can faith save you? If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill,’ and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead” (James 2:14-17 NRSV).

Since we, as Christians, have the ability to do good through the power of the Holy Spirit, we should at least try to do good as much as we are able. It grieves me to see Christians, including myself, being as self-centered as possible because somehow we think we deserve it. Christianity, at its core, is about doing good for others and trusting God to take care of us.

Sometimes I don’t trust God enough to be good to others. I think that I need to hoard for myself because then I won’t have enough.

What’s interesting, though, about these proverbs is that there are qualifiers. Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when He said: “Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you” (Matthew 7:6 NRSV). I do think, though, we need to be careful in our judgement of whether or not a person is qualified to receive our help. Better to give and be wrong than not to give at all.

• Do not withhold good when it is in your power to do it.

Have you ever been too tired? too busy? too preoccupied? I have.

Two days ago I was sidelined by a doctor for a recurring foot problem. How do I stop and allow this to heal when I have so much going on? (And still more looming at me!) And yet, there is the same question: How can I stop and help someone when I’m late for work, late for an appointment, just late, period? How can I have resources to give when I’m already overextended? I know that I tend to use all I have (time included) and not necessarily for good. Rather, I seem to be preoccupied about getting for me and not nearly enough about finding out what God wants me to do.

• Do not say “Go, and come again,” when you have it with you.

I save . . . wrongly. I don’t save as I should and I save when I shouldn’t. The fact is, as a Christian, I should be generous to a fault. After all, who is providing for me? Me? Or God? And if I truly believe that God is providing for me, don’t I have enough with some to spare?

“He sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the crowd putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which are worth a penny. Then he called his disciples and said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on’” (Mark 12:41-44 NRSV).

I’ve often wondered what happened after this. This account is like a movie where you want to know what happened to the characters after the last credit. What happened to this widow? Did Jesus tell the disciples to go feed her? Did God multiply her resources like He did for the widow during Elijah’s time? Or did He take her home to Heaven where there is no more want?

The fact is, the ever-after ending in the life of every believer is that, ultimately, we will be in heaven, completely and absolutely provided for forever. So why do we worry and fuss so much about what we have or don’t have now? Yes, we need to be responsible, but we don’t need to be obsessed. Does someone else need something more than us and we have it? Then why aren’t we willing to freely give it?

I was in my classroom the other day, using one of my “signature” purple mechanical pencils. This particular pencil had been a bit expensive (more than a dollar), so I had been careful to put it away in the drawer after each day. One of my students saw it and said, “Oh, I like that pencil. Can I have it?” I immediately gave it to her. She was astonished. “You are giving me your pencil? Oh, I’ll pay you for it.” And she proceeded to pull out a five dollar bill. She couldn’t understand when I was willing simply to give it to her.

I teach children whose parents are unwilling to give to them, but make them “pay” for almost everything they get. (On the other hand, I also have other children in my class whose parents give them everything and more. And that’s equally unhealthy.)

The point being, as Christians, shouldn’t we be willing to give, knowing Who our Source is?

• Do not plan harm against your neighbor

You know, like family, you don’t really get to choose your neighbors. People buy or rent homes without getting permission from the neighborhood. So you might have someone living next to or near you that, simply put, you don’t like. And yet, the Bible tells us plainly not to plan harm. That means even emotional harm. We should, as Christians, be the first to welcome, the first there in time of distress or pain, the first to rejoice when something wonderful happens.

We don’t exactly live in a “perfect” neighborhood. There are two homes with multiple families (where there shouldn’t be), a couple with mental and emotional problems, and a family whose daughter regularly uses drugs. Not exactly the kind of neighborhood that heps property values. And yet, what a place for ministry, for reaching out!

As Christians, our goal should be to do no harm, to bring benefit to those around us.

• Do not quarrel when no harm has been done.

While I do believe there are instances of true emotional abuse, I also believe that we are often too easily offended. One of the things I tell my students is that if what someone says is true, then you shouldn’t be upset, because it’s true. And if it isn’t true, then their saying it doesn’t make it true so then you have no reason to be upset.

As a society we used to define harm as “irreparable” harm meaning it wouldn’t grow back or heal or be easily replaced. Now, it seems like we tend to look for any reason to claim that someone has harmed us so that we can benefit from it. When did we stop forgiving and start holding grudges? When did we stop looking out for others and start focusing on ourselves?

Are there instances of true abuse? Absolutely! I see that in my students almost everyday. But are there many more instances of simply being human, with the need to forgive, forget and go on? I’m convinced of it.

I think if we had a longer view of life, we would be more willing to forgive. I mean, if we are truly spending eternity in heaven and this life is simply a hiccup, then where should our priorities be? Are we better off if we forgive and go on, rather than stewing in our own pain and bitterness? Absolutely!

Ultimately as Christians, we need to ask ourselves who we are and why we are who we are. Who are we serving? Ourselves? Or the Lord? Over the long haul, I think the best epitaph would be “She loved others better than herself.” Maybe someday I’ll learn how to be that person. I just have to keep trying.

© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).