“A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot and his shame will never be wiped away.” (Proverbs 6:32-33 NIV).
Our country has lived with the idea of “free” sex for at least 60 years. A number of social concepts came out of the free sex movement of the 1960's including reproductive rights, no fault divorce, and a woman’s right to her body (abortion). Now, in the last couple of weeks, it seems like things have gone crazy with both women and men lodging accusations of sexual harassment and assault.
You need to understand, I personally don’t take those accusations lightly. I myself am a victim of sexual assault (twice) and sexual harassment (twice) over my lifetime. I understand why victims don’t report, why they live in silent shame blaming themselves, and why such assaults can haunt you for a long time. I stand with those who believe that people should have the ability to dress how they want, go where they please, and do what they choose without the fear of being harmed by someone else.
That being said, our culture of “free” sex has demanded, for many years, that women pay the price for this freedom. “How is that?” you might ask. Women are often abandoned to deal with unwanted pregnancies. Single moms have become the new poor in America through no fault divorces which often leave women significantly poorer than their ex-husbands (who frequently benefit from divorce). Bodies have become more sexualized. And now our country faces an addiction problem where it is likely that more than half of our population, including our teens, are sex addicts.
The price of “free” sex.
But with this latest round of sexual accusations, suddenly it is the men of power who are beginning to pay the price and I think that we are seeing only the tip of the iceberg. These men are being accused not only of touching, but of saying sexual things. It is very likely that even where these men are admitting to what they did, in the moment, they had no clue that their actions were being taken in any other way except acceptance.
Think about it. How often have you, with a partner, engaged in “over the top” flirting and sexual talk and play? Did either of you ask permission of the other along the way? Of course not! So it was assumed that each of you were consensual in participating. Yet, in a number of the reported scenarios, the victims are stating that while they “went along with it,” they felt uncomfortable but didn’t know how to extricate themselves. They felt pressured due to the situation or the power of their partner. And I would in no way belittle that scenario because it was also true in my case. I didn’t fight or scream or try to get away because truly I thought no one would believe me. (And in the one case where I did report, I was told that I had to confront my predator myself, something I simply couldn’t emotionally or professionally do.)
Men are now in a no-win situation with “free” sex and I hope that they begin to see that. The days of sexualizing another human being outside of a committed relationship are over. We are now beginning pay the price for having believed that sex could exist outside of a committed relationship.
In Proverbs it states: “A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.” It is very likely that several of the men who are now admitting to sexual harassment and assault are feeling that they had no sense. Certainly their actions have destroyed their lives and careers.
As early as several months ago, if someone had begun a public discussion about “free sex,” they would have been ridiculed for being so closed-minded. And yet now, how can men protect themselves? The custom has become to have sex on the first or second date, but how can a person know that their partner won’t come back to accuse them of sexual assault, even if that partner appeared to be consensual?
There’s no way out of this. We cannot continue to think that sex is a game where there are no consequences. And since we aren’t mind readers, the only way we can trust our partners is through long-term committed relationships where we can trust our partner (marriage).
God’s creation . . . God’s plan . . . God’s Word. From the beginning, God intended that marriage would be the framework for sexual relationships: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they come one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NIV). The only protection that men will have is within marriage. The only protection that women will have is within marriage. If you choose to have sex more casually, be prepared, in some future time, for it to come back to bite you.
© 2017 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. Permission is given for Christian ministries to copy and use this in its entirety including the copyright permission statement. For other uses, please contact servinggodalone@yahoo.com.
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