Finding Our Authentic Self

“The entirety of Your Word is truth.”  Psalm 119:160

There is a lot of talk these days about authenticity and being our authentic selves.  Our society is becoming convinced that authenticity produces happiness . . . and who doesn’t want to be happy?  Who wouldn’t do anything to be happy all the time?  Carley Hauck, a life coach, writes:

“Did you know that authenticity is inextricably linked to happiness? To be authentic is to feel at home in your body, accepted into a particular group, and to feel true to our sense of values. It is a kind of confidence that doesn’t come from attaining something outside of ourselves, but knowing deeply we are enough whatever our particular feelings, needs, or skills are and that we add to the greater whole of life and matter. We can be true to our own personality, spirit, or character despite external pressures.”  (https://www.mindful.org/4-questions-foster-authentic-self/)

Believing that knowing who you are will bring happiness or fulfillment isn’t a new thing.  In the 1960s and 70s (when I was growing up), the stock phrase was “finding yourself.”  This was actually part of the original hippie movement; the desire to find happiness through the unfettered ability to do whatever your feelings dictated.  Even Shakespeare (in Hamlet) wrote: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man” (Act 1, scene 3, 78-80).  So as you can see, “be your authentic self” is simply a rehash of an old, very old concept.

What is the core meaning within “authentic self?”  What actually does Hauck (or anyone else) mean when they say “knowing deeply we are enough?” Is it even possible to achieve what Hauck outlined above?

Hauck states three characteristics of authenticity: (1) feel at home in your body; (2) be accepted into a particular group, and (3) feel true to our sense of values.  All three of these deal with feelings.  “Knowing deeply we are enough” is a feeling, because even if someone else told us that we are enough, we likely wouldn’t believe them because we wouldn’t feel enough.

We didn’t always rely on feelings to determine the truth of our existence.  Prior to the Baby Boomer generation, America, for the most part, embraced values outside of one’s own experience.  External values established on biblical principles.  (One could debate for days the rightness or wrongness of actually doing this, trying to live by biblical principles if one isn’t actually a believer, but that’s a discussion for another time.)  The societal changes in the 1960s turned America to look in another direction for a value system and we chose to look within ourselves, to use our feelings to judge whether or not something was good or profitable.  Out of this paradigm shift came the belief in “authentic self.”

Scripture doesn’t talk about the need to find one’s self.  In fact, the word “authentic” as we might define it here, isn’t found in scripture.  Rather, the Bible simply defines us!  God knew that we would live in deception, would allow our feelings to lead us into deception.  And so He, in His love, provided the definition of who we are so that we would know why we were created and what our purpose in this creation is. \We don’t need to seek out our “authentic self.”  Our Creator, Who knows us better than we know ourselves, has already taken care of that in His Word.

Every good thing in creation has its beginning and its foundation in one thing: the character of God.  When we talk about righteousness and sin, we are actually comparing what is God and what isn’t God.  So when we look at truth (or authenticity), it isn’t a feeling nor is it an abstract idea.  Truth is actually God, His nature, His character.  When the psalmist wrote “The entirety of Your Word is truth,” what he was writing is that as God reveals Himself through His Word, He is revealing truth: truth about Himself, truth about creation, and truth about us.

Because there are so many definitions of “truth,” we need to understand the Biblical definition.  Often we see truth as that which is correct.  But the Bible is more concerned about that which is genuine (as compared to that which is false).  It’s a correlation between righteousness and sin.  Righteousness is God’s character, who and what God is.  Sin is everything He’s not.  It’s the same with genuineness and falsehood.  God is genuine; everything else is false. 

Because we were created in God’s image, it is possible for people to actually be genuine, to be authentic.  But because sin affected who we were (and we are all sinners), we can now only become genuine in submission to God’s Holy Spirit through the process of salvation.  We find our authentic self when we surrender to God’s will and trust Him to mold us into the person He created us to be.  We don’t have to spend time trying to “find ourselves;” we need only look to God to see what His plan is for our life.  Our feelings are irrelevant; they will follow along if we determine in our hearts to submit to God’s will. 

We have no need to seek after authenticity in our lives.  We already have the means to live authentically when we trust the Lord Jesus to guide us into His truth.

©2017 Robin L. O’Hare.  All Rights Reserved.  Permission is given to Christian ministries to use this study free of charge with the following provisions: (1) used in its entirety including this notice; and (2) used unchanged, unedited, untruncated.  For all other uses, please contact servinggodalone@yahoo.com

I Will Dwell (Psalm 23)

“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  (Psalm 23:6b)

I’ve been living in my Kentucky house since June.  Initially, because Ken and I had bought this house to be a “second” home (and ultimately our retirement home), we bought some make-shift furniture, just enough to be able to exist.  There were the two folding recliners from our 5th wheel (very uncomfortable), a used bed, some used appliances and TV trays.  Then, when we realized that this move would be more permanent, we bought a kitchen table and chairs and a couple of couches.  I brought out my desk from California and set up my home office in a back bedroom.  But the house still didn’t really feel like “ours.”  Of course, it was ours; it just didn’t feel that way because while we lived, ate, and slept here, the majority of our belongings were in California.  So in late October, we made the trip to California to retrieve our boxes and furniture.  When we got back from our California trip, we began to unpack.  Finally a week or so ago, we hung “the mirror.”

Now “the mirror” in our family has quite a history.  When I was young, my thrifty and amazing mom bought this mirror from a “seconds” shop.  The mirror itself was broken, but the frame was glorious: gold-gilded, large, and artistic in its swerves.  My dad had the mirror replaced and it was hung over my parents’ couch.  In fact, it hung over every couch my parents had until my mom died.  Then Dad gave me the mirror and Ken and I have hung it over every couch we’ve had.  Until this summer.

When I came back from California, I didn’t bring the mirror with me.  No point actually.  Ken was packing up everything from our home in the West, so I knew the mirror would eventually arrive.  I actually didn’t even think about it too much.  But the other day, in beginning to unpack, we decided to hang the really big pieces and get them out of our way.  And so, the mirror got hung up over our couch.  I was astonished at how I felt once the mirror was up.  Because it was at that moment that this house began to feel like it was finally our home.

I began to “dwell” here.

The psalmist ends the pastoral psalm with these words “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  The Hebrew word translated “dwell” is yashab and it has very specific meanings.  It means “to dwell, to remain, to settle, to marry” (Strong’s H3427).  There are some connotations in this word that are very important.

To settle: 

I didn’t realize prior to hanging the mirror, but I hadn’t really settled in this house.  I could have just as easily moved to another without the slightest thought.  This still wasn’t really “my” house.  But now, with the mirror hung (and as we get other rooms settled in), the house is feeling like home, like the place that I will choose to return to each day.  

To remain

Ken and I have moved more than 35 times in our marriage.  That averages to just about once a year.  It’s actually crazy to think how many times we’ve moved.  But there have been houses we lived in where I actually began to “dwell,” to remain.  I settled in with the aim of remaining in that house, redecorating, sometimes even remodeling to make it my own.  There is a commitment in the idea of remaining.  You individualize the house to make it comfortable for you, for your lifestyle, for your family culture.  

To marry

This is an interesting idea, of connecting marriage with “remaining” because the idea of marriage in the Bible involves the ultimate in intimacy.  Marriage in the Bible is always about becoming one flesh, joining together to create a family and perhaps even new lives, of submitting to each other to demonstrate the kind of relationship that we are called to have with the Lord Jesus.

Through the words of this psalm, I believe the Spirit is telling us four things in this:  

• We are to make the commitment to settle into the Lord.  The things of the Lord are to become those things that make us feel at home.  He is to become our center, our safe haven, our place of peace.

• We are to remain with the Lord.  We are to make a conscious commitment to stay, not wondering off to here or there, looking to see if life has something better to offer us.  Our commitment is to stay with the Lord, to learn from Him, to learn about Him, and to love Him with all our minds, hearts, souls and strength.

• We are to develop an intimate relationship with the Lord.  Did you know that marriage is an example of the kind of intimacy that God desires to have with us?  We are to work at developing that kind of intimacy and commitment in our relationship with Him.

• And finally, there is a “forever” component.  David says, “I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”  There is an absolute connection between dwelling and forever.  Dwelling has a sense of putting down permanent roots.  We can’t do that with the Lord unless our commitment to Him is forever.  This isn’t a relationship that we can turn away from, looking for something that might feel “better” tomorrow.  This is a forever thing that we devote ourselves to without looking back.

When we dwell in the house of the Lord forever, we stop looking for something or someone else.  We throw our complete trust in Him, knowing that He is trustworthy.  We give all our love and devotion to Him, knowing that He deserves all we have to give . . . and more.  We cling to Him, knowing that there is no other way to live except to follow Him always.  Let us dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

©2017 Robin L. O’Hare.  All Rights Reserved.  Permission is given to Christian ministries to use this study free of charge with the following provisions: (1) used in its entirety including this notice; and (2) used unchanged, unedited, untruncated.  For all other uses, please contact servinggodalone@yahoo.com

I'm a Good Person

In recent days, several university athletes returned from a visit to a foreign country.  During their stay, they had been arrested for shoplifting.  In released public statements, one athlete said, “What I did was stupid, there’s just no other way to put it, and I’m not that type of person”.1

“I’m not that type of person.”  Ultimately, my guess is that this basketball player believes fundamentally that he is a “good” person.  Most people, if you asked them, would admit that they are (or at least hope they are) good people.  And why not believe that?  Psychologists have been telling us for decades that we are born good.  

Dr. Bobbi Wegner, a clinical psychologist and teaching fellow at Harvard University, 

        agrees. She says, “There are no such things as bad babies.”2

We are good.  We have been told it all our lives.  But fundamentally, the question becomes how we actually define “good.”  You see, in one sense, none of us is good, but in another sense, we are all good. 

If we define “good” as being without fault, without sin, then we would see being “good” as being righteous.  But Scripture clearly tells us that no one is without sin (Romans 3:10); all of us have sinned (Romans 3:23).  It is this sense, however, that the world usually uses.  “I’m a good person” meaning that I’m a person who doesn’t choose to do bad things (even though I did something quite awful).  We use this to excuse the things we’ve done that we know are wrong, that we know are sinful. 

To the athlete who said, “I’m not that type of person,” I would respond, “But, yes, you are because you did do this.  Regardless of why you did it, you stole something.  You are, then, a thief.”

However, there is another definition of good that actually is true of all of us and that is this: “good” as being of value.  Are we of value?  Absolutely!  We are valued because God loves us.  It’s not a value that we can earn by doing anything, but it’s a value that was given to us because of His inherent mercy and grace.  “For God so loved the world, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).  We are each the “whosoever” and God has given us value because He loves us!    

We can each stand up and say that we are “good” people, people of value, because God has chosen to love us, has chosen to interact with us, has chosen to save us.  We will never, in this life, be---through our own power—people who are good/righteous because we will do stupid things and sin.  But we are, because of His love and grace, people who are good/of value because He loves us!  And that, simply put, changes everything!  

1 “UCLA basketball players suspended indefinitely after China arrests,” FoxNews.com, November 16, 2017.
2 Kim, Jen, ”How to Know if You are a Good Person,” PsychologyToday.com, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201609/how-know-if-you-are-good-person

(c) 2017 Robin L. O'Hare.  All Rights Reserved.

Men Have No Protection Except Marriage

“A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.  Blows and disgrace are his lot and his shame will never be wiped away.”  (Proverbs 6:32-33 NIV).

Our country has lived with the idea of “free” sex for at least 60 years.  A number of social concepts came out of the free sex movement of the 1960's including reproductive rights, no fault divorce, and a woman’s right to her body (abortion).  Now, in the last couple of weeks, it seems like things have gone crazy with both women and men lodging accusations of sexual harassment and assault.

You need to understand, I personally don’t take those accusations lightly.  I myself am a victim of sexual assault (twice) and sexual harassment (twice) over my lifetime.  I understand why victims don’t report, why they live in silent shame blaming themselves, and why such assaults can haunt you for a long time.  I stand with those who believe that people should have the ability to dress how they want, go where they please, and do what they choose without the fear of being harmed by someone else.

That being said, our culture of “free” sex has demanded, for many years, that women pay the price for this freedom.  “How is that?” you might ask.  Women are often abandoned to deal with unwanted pregnancies.  Single moms have become the new poor in America through no fault divorces which often leave women significantly poorer than their ex-husbands (who frequently benefit from divorce).  Bodies have become more sexualized.  And now our country faces an addiction problem where it is likely that more than half of our population, including our teens, are sex addicts.

The price of “free” sex.

But with this latest round of sexual accusations, suddenly it is the men of power who are beginning to pay the price and I think that we are seeing only the tip of the iceberg.  These men are being accused not only of touching, but of saying sexual things.  It is very likely that even where these men are admitting to what they did, in the moment, they had no clue that their actions were being taken in any other way except acceptance. 

Think about it.  How often have you, with a partner, engaged in “over the top” flirting and sexual talk and play?  Did either of you ask permission of the other along the way?  Of course not!  So it was assumed that each of you were consensual in participating.  Yet, in a number of the reported scenarios, the victims are stating that while they “went along with it,” they felt uncomfortable but didn’t know how to extricate themselves.  They felt pressured due to the situation or the power of their partner.  And I would in no way belittle that scenario because it was also true in my case.  I didn’t fight or scream or try to get away because truly I thought no one would believe me.  (And in the one case where I did report, I was told that I had to confront my predator myself, something I simply couldn’t emotionally or professionally do.) 

Men are now in a no-win situation with “free” sex and I hope that they begin to see that.  The days of sexualizing another human being outside of a committed relationship are over.  We are now beginning pay the price for having believed that sex could exist outside of a committed relationship.

In Proverbs it states: “A man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.”  It is very likely that several of the men who are now admitting to sexual harassment and assault are feeling that they had no sense.  Certainly their actions have destroyed their lives and careers. 

As early as several months ago, if someone had begun a public discussion about “free sex,” they would have been ridiculed for being so closed-minded.  And yet now, how can men protect themselves?  The custom has become to have sex on the first or second date, but how can a person know that their partner won’t come back to accuse them of sexual assault, even if that partner appeared to be consensual? 

There’s no way out of this.  We cannot continue to think that sex is a game where there are no consequences.  And since we aren’t mind readers, the only way we can trust our partners is through long-term committed relationships where we can trust our partner (marriage). 

God’s creation . . . God’s plan . . . God’s Word.  From the beginning, God intended that marriage would be the framework for sexual relationships: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they come one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NIV).  The only protection that men will have is within marriage.  The only protection that women will have is within marriage.  If you choose to have sex more casually, be prepared, in some future time, for it to come back to bite you.

© 2017 Robin L. O’Hare.  All Rights Reserved.  Permission is given for Christian ministries to copy and use this in its entirety including the copyright permission statement.  For other uses, please contact servinggodalone@yahoo.com.