from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
for a prostitute’s fee is only a loaf of bread,
but the wife of another stalks a man’s very life.”
These are extremely interesting words. In this passage, Solomon speaks against married adulterers. In fact, he compares a prostitute with the “wife of another.” He says that the prostitute only demands “a loaf of bread” (money), but that the “wife of another stalks a man’s very life.”
Solomon’s own mother was a married adulteress.
There is nothing in scripture to indicate that David had anything but love for Bathsheba. In fact, she appears to dominate him in his later life, even restricting access to him except as she desired. Perhaps it was this “control” that bothered Solomon (even though this control, in the surface, gave him the kingdom).
The fact is, beginning in adultery ruins any chance for a healthy relationship after that. It doesn’t matter if the two are “in love.” It doesn’t matter if they repent and ask forgiveness. Any relationship born from adultery will bear its scars. And they are hard scars to bear.
I have a dear family friend whom I’ve known from childhood. Our families went to church together. Her oldest son was in my grade at school. Hers was a difficult marriage. Her husband was a contractor . . . and not such a successful one, at that. They lived in an old broken-down “fixer” which always seemed to have walls sagging, pipes broken, windows in disrepair. As a family, they were always broke. And yet, her husband was happy. He would walk around the home (his castle), whistling, fixing this or that. She, on the other hand, was unhappy. Her friends had “regular” homes that they could decorate (albeit economically). She was one that loved beauty. She dressed as best she could, always gave time for her appearance, and had a voice like an angel. She was one of the featured soloists in the church choir.
One day our beloved (and older) pastor died. And the church hired a new pastor. This new pastor, as many new pastors do, felt there were many things that needed to be changed in the church. One of the them was to hire a church secretary. And he hired my friend. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have much office experience. It didn’t matter that she had to drive an hour each way (before commuting was a way of life). I have to wonder. Like David, had his eyes already strayed?
Of course, the end of the matter was that they “fell in love,” almost destroyed the church, broke up two families (he also was married), and had to move out of the state. She lost custody of her children.
After nine years, he was again granted pastorate of a church, this time, a much smaller church. They were happy together and built a life, trying to mend the fences with their children.
She wrote to me a number of years ago. Amazingly, she talked honestly about the affair and the devastation that it caused, like ripples in a still pond. Her words: “Even though I dearly love [my husband], if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t. The price wasn’t worth it.”
I’ve known others who’ve grown marriages out of affairs. All kinds of havoc and consequences emerge, things that one wouldn’t even consider when in the throes of passion. Passion often blinds us from the facts of reality.
The descriptions that Solomon chooses to use in this passage are compelling: “the smooth tongue;” “do not desire her beauty;” “do not let her capture you;” “stalks a man’s very life.” And while Solomon speaks from the viewpoint of a male, I believe that the emotions seen here are true from both sides. There is a sense of compulsion, of almost being out of control, that accompanies an affair. Better not to take that first step than to have to try to fight the flood waters that follow.
When we are alone in an unhappy marriages, there is no loneliness worse. It is better to be alone and single than alone in a bad marriage. But the Lord, being wise in all things, knows that an affair is never the solution. Better to live alone being at peace with Him (by living in obedience to His Word) than to live in a house built upon the sand.
© 2008 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).
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