Proverbs 18:14

“The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit—who can bear?” NRSV

I think that betrayal is the worst experience in life. Most things are easy to rise above, or, if necessary, easy to endure. You simply put one foot in front of another and walk through it. But betrayal breaks the spirit. It makes you want to say, “What’s the point?”

Betrayal exists all around us. Most of the times, we set ourselves up. We create expectations of relationships, of circumstances, and when things don’t work out the way we planned or intended or hoped, we are betrayed. And it hurts. It hurts a lot! In these situations, however, we need to look within ourselves. Were our expectations unreasonable? For example, we usually expect that our employers will treat us fairly. Our expectations are based on the idea that our employers, our jobs are the source of our income, our livelihood. In these cases, our expectations are unreasonable. Our job isn’t the source of our income; the Lord is! And He never fails. So it doesn’t matter whether or not we lose our job. He will provide.

The Israelites were living in slavery to the Egyptians. Many died each day under the whips of their taskmasters. God freed them and took them in the desert where He feed them daily with manna provided from heaven. They no longer had to work (except to gather the manna and make it into bread or cakes). And even then, they complained:

“From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; but the people became impatient on the way. The people spoke against God and against Moses, “‘Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food.’” (Numbers 21:4-5 NRSV).

Their expectation was something different than their experience. God was providing for them and they still complained. We need to ask ourselves if God is providing and yet we’re still complaining? (Do we see our glass as half full or half empty?)

However, there are those situations where betrayal exists even when our expectations have been right on. Take family for instance. We have certain expectations about how our parents should behave, how our children should behave, how our spouses should behave. If we have done all that we are supposed to do (under God’s commands) and betrayal still occurs, it hurts. It hurts immensely. The hurt is real . . . and it is legitimate. This proverb is true when it says: “A broken spirit—who can bear it?” There is the real sense of not wanting to go into another relationship again because of the betrayal from the first one.

It is in these times that we must turn to God for His healing. I always go back to the cross. When the Lord Jesus was crucified, while He was dying on the cross, He said, “‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’” that is, “‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34). The Lord Jesus wasn’t asking if God had forsaken Him; He was asking why God had forsaken Him. The fact was there. Jesus expected the Father to be with Him always and God wasn’t.

The worst kind of betrayal.

But the Lord Jesus Himself is our example in the midst of betrayal. Only minutes after speaking this, He says, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” (Luke 23:43). Do you get this? Jesus commends His spirit to the very person who betrayed Him. Now, I’m not saying to commend yourselves to the person who betrayed you. I’m saying that God is faithful and true and we can commend ourselves to Him, even when it appears that He has betrayed us! Our betrayal has a place of refuge . . . under the wings of the Almighty who is loving and gentle and meets every need.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:13

“If one gives answer before hearing, it is folly and shame.” NRSV

I don’t know whether or not I’m a baby boomer, but I do know that I’ve grown up in the era of psychology. Everything is about learning how to relate to others, learning how to know one’s self, figuring out why we are dysfunctional.

One of the psychological “skills” that has been taught a lot is active listening. Wikipedia gives a great definition:

“When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next, (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening).

It’s interesting to me that the Bible was talking about active listening long before we even had psychologists. “If one gives answer before hearing . . .” Even if we hear the sounds that doesn’t mean that we are hearing the content. The reality is that if we are thinking about how to respond rather than truly listening, we are focusing (again) on ourselves rather than the other person. We are working on a “defense” for our own position, rather than really caring about how that other person feels (and thinks). We are concerned about protecting ourselves rather than trusting God to protect us.

Proverbs tells us that this kind of behavior is folly and shame. Folly because it’s foolish to think that we could protect ourselves anyway. Shame because it is sin.

Today as we have conversations with others, let’s practice really listening. Don’t worry about having a response right away. (There’s really nothing wrong with the silence while you think about what to say!). Instead focus on what the other person is saying (and feeling). Let’s learn how to be concerned about them and trust God to take care of us!

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:21

“Before destruction one’s heart is haughty, but humility goes before honor.” NRSV

Though my mom did a lot of amazing things in her life, she was basically unknown in a world filled with the famous and well-known. She never aspired to be an actress and yet she had a leading role in a movie starring a former Miss America; she also revised her role as Mary, the mother of Jesus in many churches. She never aspired to be a speaker, and yet she had her own radio show and appeared on television a number of times. She didn’t know how to write out music and yet she had three children’s musical published. If you were to meet her, you would think her charming but thoroughly ordinary. She was first and foremost a wife, mother, and homemaker. She sewed most of her own clothes, decorated her house with thrift store and yard sale finds, cooked almost every meal (burning her share of peas and corn), and lived humbly, never seeking fame or fortune.

And at her memorial service, over 500 people attended . . . to bring honor to the woman who spent her life serving those around her.

The comparison in this proverb is haughtiness and humility. Haughtiness (pride) is self-seeking, self-protective, self-concerned. Humility gently accepts whatever the Lord sends, trusting Him to take care and provide. The Lord’s prayer says “Give us this day our daily bread.” One simple line about provision . . . and yet infinitely profound. As manna was provided on a daily basis, the Lord provides our need on a daily basis. For today. The Lord Jesus commanded us not to concern ourselves about anything further than today: “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34). His provision is for today, this time, this hour.

If often think, as I stew about what I will do about the future, that all my worrying would be unnecessary should the Lord take me Home tonight! How much time I would have spent needlessly when I could have, instead, spent that time and effort on ministering to those around me, those whom the Lord placed in my path. Would I have smiled at that one and cheered her day? Would I have stopped to help that one and lightened his load? Would I have reached out and given generously, rather than hoarding for an unknown and uncertain future?

I believe that the difference between haughtiness and humility is ultimately perspective. The person who is haughty believes that her thoughts, resources, and time must first consider her own needs and concerns. The person who is humble thinks only of others and trusts God to take care of her. Haughtiness brings ultimate destruction; humility brings honor. Are we willing to risk and trust God that His Word is true?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:10-11

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. The wealth of the rich is their strong city; in their imagination it is like a high wall.” NRSV

America is imploding on itself. And, unfortunately, as America goes, often goes the rest of the world. Home foreclosures are up; unemployment is up. Institutions that were reliable are shaky, at best. While it’s important to be prudent, there may soon be no good choices left that provide for a stable economic future . . . except obedience to the Word. As believers, we always have a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11) because our trust isn’t in the institutions and economy of this world, but our hope is in the Lord. The apostle Peter wrote that “He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1:3b-4 NRSV). Our hope isn’t in the kinds of things that we can invest, accumulate, or even use in this world, but rather is in the inheritance kept for us in heaven.

We often focus on the things of this life: our housing, our food, our clothes, our jobs, our money, our investments, our retirement. And yet, the things—as believers—that we should be focusing on are not these:

“No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:24-25, 31-34 NRSV).

This is something my family is living right now, today. It’s hard not to think about, not to worry about where you will live tomorrow! It’s hard not to think about how to pay the bills, how to buy groceries. And yet, at every turn, when it seems darkest and that there is no provision, God is providing! And today, we have what we need.

Exodus 16 tells us the story about the manna. Manna was a heavenly grain, given by God, to the Israelites. Every morning they would go out from their tents and the manna would be laying on the ground. They would gather up the manna and make a bread that fulfilled all of their nourishment requirements. (They lived on manna for 40 years!). The interesting thing about the manna was that it would only last for that day; you couldn’t store it up. It would go bad . . . except from the sixth day to the seventh. On the seventh day—the day of rest—no manna would appear, but the manna from the sixth day would remain good for that seventh day.

God provided exactly what they needed to live and He provided it on a daily basis within the requirements of His Law. God will provide for all of us within the requirements of His Word. In other words, as we are told not to focus on money (we cannot serve two masters), but on His Word and learning to live in obedience to His Word, He will provide the rest. Money (financial resources, the things we need for daily life) are the easiest kinds of things for God to provide! And providing them are His job! Our job is to learn how to allow the fruit of the Spirit to flow through us!

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:6-7, 9

“A fool’s lips bring strife, and a fool’s mouth invites a flogging. The mouths of fools are their ruin, and their lips a snare to themselves. . . . One who is slack in work is close kin to a vandal.” NRSV

We talk a lot. We text. We phone. We email. We chat. Unfortunately, we tend not to talk to those who matter most. Have you ever gone to a restaurant and noticed that people are texting or talking on their cell phones and ignoring the people they’re eating dinner with? What we say, when we say it, to whom we say it . . . all of those things are important. We need to talk. But we need to choose to whom and when. Wrong talking brings ruin.

One of the reasons that texting, phoning, and the Internet has become so attractive is the characteristic of anonymity. We will say something to someone who is hidden from view much easier than we will say it to them in person. Evil loves the darkness; it loves to be hidden: “And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed” (John 3:19-20 NRSV).

For most of us, saying less in every situation would likely be a good thing. “Never be rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be quick to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven, and you upon earth; therefore let your words be few” (Ecc. 5:2 NRSV). Our words often get us into situations and often interfere with our relationships far more often than do our actions. Our words also often precede our actions. Once we say something, we are more likely to do it. Actions do not exist in a vacuum. We think, then we do. We often think, say, and then do. Saying something often lends the impetus to doing it. It’s interesting that the Lord linked what we say with what we think in our hearts: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14 NRSV). In a similar way, sinful actions are linked to what we say: “The words of their mouths are mischief and deceit; they have ceased to act wisely and do good” (Psalm 36:3 NRSV). The problem is that, with the Internet, with phones, we have so many more opportunities to say.

The second link to all this is that speaking is often connected to not doing. I’ve often heard of people who neglected the things they needed to do and instead spent time on their computers talking, discussing, posting, playing games. It’s interesting that the proverb links “slack in work” to vandalism. Vandalism is the willful and malicious destruction of property. The KJV translates the word as “waster.” In other words, one who is slack in work wastes . . . time, resources, relationships, opportunities. And we often put aside our work (our duty) to talk. You see, talking (particularly posting, chatting, texting) makes us feel important. It also takes up valuable time, focus, resources that could be spent on ministering to those around us (including our families). Some time keep a personal diary of how you spend your time. It can be very revealing. Our time is supposed to be spent ministering to those around us, bringing glory to the Father Who loves each and every one. How do we spend our time? Are we talkers or doers?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:5

“It is not right to be partial to the guilty, or to subvert the innocent in judgment.” NRSV

Ted Haggard was, at one time, the senior pastor of a mega-church in Colorado. He also was a closet homosexual. He lived two lives, one in the public eye, one in secret. About a year ago, a gay lover “outed” him and the scandal became a national disgrace. He was terminated at his church (with a very liberal severance package), placed in counseling with three well-known pastors (including Tommy Barnett from Phoenix and Jack Hayford from Foursquare), and surrounded with what was thought to be a good support system. He abruptly left that support system a few months ago and returned to his home in Colorado where he is now selling insurance and bagging on the Church in general. He recently did an interview Newsweek:

“Full Christian forgiveness eludes him. He believes that New Life cast him away when he needed it the most. As he says in the movie: ‘The Church has said go to hell.’ Haggard now thinks that he lashed himself too hard. ‘I understand why when a criminal is caught they will sometimes admit to things they didn't do,’ he says. ‘I wanted to overrepent, and I think I did overrepent. In my [resignation] letter to the church I said I was a deceiver and a liar, but I hadn't lied about anything except to keep quiet about what was going on inside me.’" (from http://www.newsweek.com/id/178726).

Unfortunately I believe that Ted Haggard is a victim in one sense: he, like many American Christians, is a victim of bad doctrine. He evidently believes that those who sin deserve a great deal of sympathy, understanding, and “help” in dealing with their sinfulness. He is right, however, that the Church failed to deal with him in a biblical manner. But what I think he doesn’t realize that a true biblical manner would have been far more severe than he received anyway.

What point is there in this? The point is that we, as a society, have become partial to the guilty. Rather than seeing sin as something from which the guilty needs to repent, we see sin as a result of dysfunction or abuse from which the guilty needs to be healed! The Bible never sees sin in this light.

The story of the woman in adultery is often quoted as a justification for not “judging.” Here is the passage from the gospel of John:

"The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.” (8:3-11a NRSV).

This is the portion of the story that is most often told. What has been left out is the rest of what Jesus said to the woman: “Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.” (8:11b NRSV). Now, here’s what’s interesting. Jesus did not deal with the cause of the woman’s decision to sin, to commit adultery. Often, in that day, women went into prostitution because their husbands had divorced them and their own families refused to take them back. The women had no means of financial support and their only options were either to become beggars or to become prostitutes. So the possibility was that Jesus was telling this woman that begging (and starving) was better than sin. Another alternative (for the adultery) was that this woman was in a loveless marriage and had found happiness with another man. Jesus was telling her to leave that relationship (cold turkey). There are a number of alternatives for why the woman chose to commit adultery. Any of them might have a solid psychological foundation.

Jesus didn’t deal with any of that! He simply (and rather abruptly) told her “from now on do not sin again.” In other words, while He was willing to forgive, He wasn’t willing to tolerate or excuse.
We need to be careful how we construct our thinking. Considering the guilty victims rather than sinners creates an entire set of doctrinal problems that places our thinking at enmity with scripture (and thus, with Father God). We are commanded in Romans 12:2 to “renew our minds,” to think as God thinks, to align our beliefs with that of scripture. We are to forgive easily, but we are not to ever tolerate or excuse sin.

If Ted Haggard had truly known that, he would have known that believers are admonished “not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother or sister who is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or robber. Do not even eat with such a one” (1 Corinthians 5:10 NRSV). In other words, his isolation should have been much more complete. Rather than receiving over and over, he should have been cut off from everyone in the Church. Why? Because such isolation is often what drives one to repentance. As it is, Haggard appears to have become simply more adroit with his excuses.

He still needs our prayers.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:3

“When wickedness comes, contempt comes also; and with dishonor comes disgrace.” NRSV

You know, we don’t really believe that the Bible is true. We say we do, but often we ignore things in it. We say, “Well, there must be another way” or “In this case, it won’t happen like this.” But the fact is, the Bible is unequivocally true. Everything it says will happen the way it says it. Period.

With wickedness comes contempt and with dishonor comes disgrace. In other words, we can’t hide our sin. “Be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23 NRSV).

King David was absolute ruler over all his kingdom. Not only that, but he could have any number of wives and be well within his rights . . . as long as the women he chose were available to marry him. In other words, he could have any woman except one who was already married. And, of course, human nature being what it is, he wanted a woman who was already married. We all know the story. He had an affair with her and she got pregnant. So, David arranged for her soldier husband to come home, hoping that the husband would have sex with his wife and never know that the baby she bore wasn’t his. Unfortunately for David, the husband was a more honorable man than his king and refused to enjoy his “vacation” while his men were still fighting and dying on the front lines. So David, in a frenzy not to have his sin found out, sent Uriah to the front lines to be killed in battle. And so he was.

I’m sure at this point, David breathed a sigh of relief. He took the grieving widow into his home and married her. Likely everyone in the royal court was complimenting David on his compassionate heart, taking another man’s poor widow as his wife, not knowing that David was really only doing it to hide his sin of adultery (and now murder).

But God saw and God knew. You see, there is no way to have wickedness without contempt, dishonor, and disgrace. Sin cannot exist in a vacuum. That’s why God’s forgiveness is so important. That’s why we should run (not walk) to the Throne the instant we sin and confess our sins, receive forgiveness. The apostle John wrote: “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Notice that it begins with “if.” The fact is, we aren’t automatically forgiven. We need to confess our sins. We often don’t. The reality is, we want to forget our sins, to ignore them, to pretend that we just weren’t that stupid.

Vine’s tells us that the Greek word John used for “confess” means “to confess by way of admitting oneself guilty of what one is accused of, the result of inward conviction.” When we confess, we (1) admit that we’re guilty, (2) acknowledge a conviction that what we did was wrong. Since we usually don’t like to be perceived as wrong, we often want to avoid confessing our sins. But we can’t receive forgiveness without confession. God has filled His Word with many if-then promises. We only receive the promise (the “then” part) when we do something first (the “if” part). IF we confess, THEN we are forgiven.

Sin is a horrible thing, something to be avoided at all costs. But if we do succumb, then we have a loving Father Who is faithful and will forgive us and cleanse us once we confess.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).