Proverbs 19:2

“Desire without knowledge is not good, and one who moves too hurriedly misses the way.” NRSV

Have you ever wished you could be somebody or have something? Of course! It’s within every human heart to dream, to wish, to fantasize about what might have been. The problem is, we often don’t become, don’t have because we haven’t paid the price. Even more importantly, how often do we get ourselves into a situation (because our wanting) without first understanding what it will cost us? And then, in the midst of everything, we regret where we are but are so enmeshed, we can’t extract ourselves.

“Desire without knowledge . . .” To want something without understanding what it will cost. The Lord Jesus taught about this very plainly: “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it” (Luke 14:28 NKJV). Sit down first and count the cost. Our desire to have is often so strong that we don’t use our ability to think and determine what that desire is actually going to cost us. We just want so we rush ahead.

Another way to look at this is to consider all the possible consequences. Often, we want to look at just the possible good consequences without considering the possible bad consequences. It’s that old “oh, that will never happen to me” mentality. And yet, often it does happen to us and suddenly we are bemoaning our original decision. (Or, even more likely, bemoaning why chance choose us.)

There is One Who knows the exact consequences of every decision we consider: the Holy Spirit. What fools we are for not taking our decisions to Him in prayer and waiting for an answer. He is ready and willing to guide us at each step if we will only ask . . . and wait.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 19:1

“Better the poor walking in integrity than one perverse of speech who is a fool.” NRSV

Integrity is as much what we say as what we do.

We have tried, in our culture, to separate what we say from what we do. “Do as I say, not as I do” is a phrase I heard periodically growing up. But the fact is, we are what we say. Our words, in fact, are often predictors of our actions and are certainly revealers of our hearts.

This proverb compares two people, one who “walks in integrity” without wealth and one who is “perverse in speech” and a fool. The inference, of course, is that the one who is perverse in speech has more material wealth than the other. The writer tells us that it’s better to be poor and have integrity than to be wealthy and a fool. And what makes a fool? Someone whose speech is perverse.

To be perverse means to turn away from what’s good and right. Think about that. Are our words good? Do they glorify the Lord? Or are they hurtful . . . or mean . . . or simply degrading? What are perverse words anyway?

When I was a teenager, a friend gave me a sign for my room. It was a not-so-gentle reminder that I often spoke before I thought. It said: “Please engage brain before putting mouth into gear.” The fact is, we are so afraid of silence that we often speak without thinking about the consequences of what we say. We want to be right and think that overpowering others with our quantity of words will make us so.

James 1:19 admonishes us: “You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak” (NRSV). Be quick to listen. Be slow to speak. But the fact is, we are very quick to speak and very slow to listen. And how often that our quickness of speak make our words perverse? In fact, if perversion is the opposite of what is right and good and if God commands us to be slow to speak, then more often than not, our words are perverse simply because they are against God’s command for us to stop speaking and listen instead.

Would our speaking change the course of human history? Often, no. Would it even change the mind of the person who is forced to listen to us? Again, probably no. Our integrity comes from obedience to God’s Word and God tells us that we need to learn to consider the other person by listening to them, rather than demanding that they listen to us.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:24

“Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.” NRSV

I think that, on the whole, we don’t really know how to be friends these days. In fact, our idea of friendship is often quite skewed because we either liken it to some kind of party (albeit an informal gathering down at the local pub over a brew) or we see it as something that makes us feel better. I think, all in all, we are more likely the first—someone who plays at friendship—than the latter—someone who sticks closer than a brother.

Understand that, when Proverbs was written, families lived together in one compound. Thus, there was a bond—heightened by financial intertwining—that existed between brothers. Sons (and daughters) didn’t grow up to maturity and move away, but rather grew up to become part of the family’s industry (whatever that was). Brothers were interconnected to such an extent that it was difficult to exist apart. So not only were they related physically (by blood), but there was a geographic and financial relationship that never ended.

Kenneth Aitken (The Daily Study Bible Series Proverbs) writes:

“There is one for whom the bond of friendship is closer than kinship, and who ‘sticks’ with his friend through thick and thin. ‘Sticks’ is the same word used in Ruth 1:14 of Ruth ‘clinging’ to her mother-in-law, Naomi. Ecclesiasticus puts the contrast this way: ‘There is a friend who is a table companion, but will not stand by you in your day of trouble’ (6:10)” (p. 169).

The thing I think we often miss is that friendship isn’t about what we will get, but rather what we should give. You can’t have friends because people choose whether or not to be friendly. But you can choose to be a friend. In other words, while this is an observation about who our friends are, it’s even more a description of the kind of friend we need to be to others. Do we play at friendship . . . and then leave when we get disinterested or when it becomes harder to be that person’s friend? Or do we hang around even when the going gets tough? As Christians, in everything we do, we need to be true. And if we purport to be someone’s friend, then we need to be a true friend through the power of the Holy Spirit.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:22

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” NRSV

Marriage is very special to the Lord. He didn’t just create two genders and throw them together, hoping that they might be able to work out some kind of relationship. He actually create marriage when he created men and women. In other words, what’s important isn’t so much the relationship as the marriage itself.

In our society, we have lowered marriage to simply relationship. It’s so much more than that. Marriage is an earthly picture of the Church’s relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 5, Paul calls this kind of joining, two becoming one flesh, “a great mystery” (v. 32). And it is just that. When two—a husband and wife—join together, they become something wonderful. And that “something” is also a picture of how God wants to be joined with us.

In Matthew 19:3, the Lord Jesus tells us that God Himself joins a husband and wife together. There is something other-worldly about marriage that we have forgotten. Something that lends a holiness to marriage that must be acknowledged. In marriage, God creates a “one flesh” from two beings. It’s more than love. More than the sexual act. More than even creating children. It’s an image, here on earth, of how God wants to be joined with us. The Church is the Bride of Christ. At the wedding feast in heaven, our marriage will be consummated. Every marriage on earth is a symbol or picture of that consummation.

Marriage is a very complicated thing involving relationship, but being more than just relationship. It is family building. It is commitment. It is learning how to forgive at the deepest level (and learning how to trust God when your spouse drives you crazy!).

Notice that the writer of proverbs places two attributes on marriage: (1) it is a good thing, and (2) those who marry find favor with the Lord. That isn’t to say that people who don’t marry won’t find favor. But for those who marry, God’s favor comes when we honor our marriages. Too many of us have reduced marriage to a place where we get what we need (finding our soulmates, being happy, etc.). Marriage is about honoring God.

Perhaps if we start marriage from that position, we will find ourselves being more committed and less self-centered . . .

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 11:25-26

“A generous person will be enriched, and one who gives water will get water. The people curse those who hold back grain, but a blessing is on the head of those who sell it.”

A generous person will be enriched . . .

We are living in a times of great need. Government leaders from all over the world are scrambling, doing what they think they should to stop imminent economic collapse. Unemployment is soaring. Housing prices are plummeting.

A generous person will be enriched . . .

The tendency in such times is to not only tighten one’s belt, but to think twice before sharing. I mean, how will we have enough for tomorrow if we give it away today?

A generous person will be enriched . . .

Certainly, many of the people in financial trouble right now are those who have been less than expedient with their money, are those who invested unwisely, or are those who don’t understand the true meaning of working hard. Why should they be given more to waste when they couldn’t take care of what they had in the first place?

A generous person will be enriched . . .

One of the amazing dynamics of Christianity—one of the things that make God Who He is (as different from us)—is that the rules of life often work (seemingly) backward. If we give away, how can we gain? And yet, scripture never lies. If we want to gain, we must be willing to give. The Lord Jesus explained it: “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you” (Luke 6:38 NKJV).

There is a real tendency, in times like this, to draw inward, to reduce what we give to others. Even churches, as organizations, are choosing first to stop their giving to missions and to charities, choosing instead to pay salaries and bills. And while our obligations to home and family are important, we will never be able to meet them if we doubt what God Himself has said.

A generous person will be enriched . . .

In this economy, the only thing that may distinguish true Christians from everyone else might just be how generous we are. What a golden opportunity to demonstrate to the world how much God loves them . . . by sharing with them from our lack (and trusting God to make up whatever it is we don’t have).

How willing are we to open our hearts, our homes . . . and our wallets to those in need around us?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:14

“The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit—who can bear?” NRSV

I think that betrayal is the worst experience in life. Most things are easy to rise above, or, if necessary, easy to endure. You simply put one foot in front of another and walk through it. But betrayal breaks the spirit. It makes you want to say, “What’s the point?”

Betrayal exists all around us. Most of the times, we set ourselves up. We create expectations of relationships, of circumstances, and when things don’t work out the way we planned or intended or hoped, we are betrayed. And it hurts. It hurts a lot! In these situations, however, we need to look within ourselves. Were our expectations unreasonable? For example, we usually expect that our employers will treat us fairly. Our expectations are based on the idea that our employers, our jobs are the source of our income, our livelihood. In these cases, our expectations are unreasonable. Our job isn’t the source of our income; the Lord is! And He never fails. So it doesn’t matter whether or not we lose our job. He will provide.

The Israelites were living in slavery to the Egyptians. Many died each day under the whips of their taskmasters. God freed them and took them in the desert where He feed them daily with manna provided from heaven. They no longer had to work (except to gather the manna and make it into bread or cakes). And even then, they complained:

“From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; but the people became impatient on the way. The people spoke against God and against Moses, “‘Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food.’” (Numbers 21:4-5 NRSV).

Their expectation was something different than their experience. God was providing for them and they still complained. We need to ask ourselves if God is providing and yet we’re still complaining? (Do we see our glass as half full or half empty?)

However, there are those situations where betrayal exists even when our expectations have been right on. Take family for instance. We have certain expectations about how our parents should behave, how our children should behave, how our spouses should behave. If we have done all that we are supposed to do (under God’s commands) and betrayal still occurs, it hurts. It hurts immensely. The hurt is real . . . and it is legitimate. This proverb is true when it says: “A broken spirit—who can bear it?” There is the real sense of not wanting to go into another relationship again because of the betrayal from the first one.

It is in these times that we must turn to God for His healing. I always go back to the cross. When the Lord Jesus was crucified, while He was dying on the cross, He said, “‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’” that is, “‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34). The Lord Jesus wasn’t asking if God had forsaken Him; He was asking why God had forsaken Him. The fact was there. Jesus expected the Father to be with Him always and God wasn’t.

The worst kind of betrayal.

But the Lord Jesus Himself is our example in the midst of betrayal. Only minutes after speaking this, He says, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” (Luke 23:43). Do you get this? Jesus commends His spirit to the very person who betrayed Him. Now, I’m not saying to commend yourselves to the person who betrayed you. I’m saying that God is faithful and true and we can commend ourselves to Him, even when it appears that He has betrayed us! Our betrayal has a place of refuge . . . under the wings of the Almighty who is loving and gentle and meets every need.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 18:13

“If one gives answer before hearing, it is folly and shame.” NRSV

I don’t know whether or not I’m a baby boomer, but I do know that I’ve grown up in the era of psychology. Everything is about learning how to relate to others, learning how to know one’s self, figuring out why we are dysfunctional.

One of the psychological “skills” that has been taught a lot is active listening. Wikipedia gives a great definition:

“When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next, (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening).

It’s interesting to me that the Bible was talking about active listening long before we even had psychologists. “If one gives answer before hearing . . .” Even if we hear the sounds that doesn’t mean that we are hearing the content. The reality is that if we are thinking about how to respond rather than truly listening, we are focusing (again) on ourselves rather than the other person. We are working on a “defense” for our own position, rather than really caring about how that other person feels (and thinks). We are concerned about protecting ourselves rather than trusting God to protect us.

Proverbs tells us that this kind of behavior is folly and shame. Folly because it’s foolish to think that we could protect ourselves anyway. Shame because it is sin.

Today as we have conversations with others, let’s practice really listening. Don’t worry about having a response right away. (There’s really nothing wrong with the silence while you think about what to say!). Instead focus on what the other person is saying (and feeling). Let’s learn how to be concerned about them and trust God to take care of us!

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).