Proverbs 17:27-28

Proverbs 17:27-28

“One who spares words is knowledgeable; one who is cool in spirit has understanding. Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent. ” NRSV

“A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.” NLT

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain

We talk too much and we feel too much. Period. End of story. Somewhere, somehow, in our culture, the idea began to permeate that one who says a lot knows a lot. But you only have to listen to people through the media to know that’s not true.

Take a football game, for example. You used to be able to enjoy the half-time show, to watch college or high school bands who have rehearsed over and over for this one period of 15 minutes. It was great fun to see kids excel and enjoy their excelling. Now, if you’re lucky, you might see one or two minutes of the half-time show. For the remainder, we are bombarded with retired football players and coaches hashing out what they would have done if they had been in charge or on the field. As if saying these things somehow might change the course of the game!

And, unfortunately, armchair quarterbacking isn’t reserved for football or even just to sports. We tend to analyze what we would have done in the lives of, well, just about everyone around us. Did we ever stop to think that such nonsense is actually akin to gossip? That instead of talking with each other, if we have a true concern about someone, perhaps we should instead be praying?

“A truly wise person uses few words.” Obviously, I’m not truly wise because, rather than shut up, when I’m stressed I tend to talk . . . and talk and talk and talk. (As if my talking will somehow change the situation.)

Have you ever tried to change someone’s mind or opinion? On many Internet sites, “discussions” are rampant. And I use the word “discussion” lightly because discussion implies some kind of give and take. And most people involved in these discussions are more concerned about giving (talking) and much less concerned about taking (listening). But the fact is, the more we talk the more the other person digs in their heels and refuses to change. We somehow think that if we say enough (or at least say the right thing) they will suddenly “come to their senses” and agree with us.

Would you? Does someone’s talking change your mind? It doesn’t mine (well, rarely).

“Even fools who keep silent are considered wise.”

All of this boils down to, I think, being self-controlled. It’s not something we talk much about these days. But it’s part of the fruit of the Spirit! As Christians, we should practice self-control. And practice we must because it’s not something that comes naturally. But then again not any part of the fruit of the Spirit comes naturally. It goes against the grain, goes against our flesh nature. And God is enough of a gentleman not to impose His Spirit upon us.

I was reading S. D. Gordon again this morning. He wrote:

“There is one inlet of power in the life -- anybody's life -- any kind of power: just one inlet -- the Holy Spirit. He is power. He is in everyone who opens his door to God. He eagerly enters every open door. He comes in by our invitation and consent. His presence within is the vital thing. But with many of us while He is in, He is not in control: in as guest; not as host. That is to say He is hindered in His natural movements; tied up, so that He cannot do what He would.” (from http://www.raptureready.com/resource/gordon/gordon9.html).

When the Spirit controls our lives, we are self-controlled in all that we are. We are self-controlled in our speaking and in our feelings. There is nothing in scripture that says we are to let our bodies—our emotions, our thoughts, our actions—simply go where they might take us. Paul wrote: “I punish my body and enslave it” (1 Corinthians 9:27) and “we take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). That is self-control.

It’s interesting that James places speaking and getting angry in conjunction with each other: “let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). I think that’s because often, as we talk, we become emotional, riled up, infuriated even. And often we become angry because we have failed to truly hear what the other person is trying to communicate. We haven’t been quick to listen, but rather have been quick to get in our opinion, our perspective.

Self-control is not speaking even when you might have something wonderful to say. Self-control is praying (even silently within your heart) and allowing God to change who He will. I know for myself I need to practice listening more and speaking less. And I need to begin today.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:24

“The discerning person looks to wisdom, but the eyes of a fool to the ends of the earth.” NRSV

These are dire times. In most cases, regardless of the time of life or the circumstances surrounding us, these are dire times. There are few days of rest and relaxation, many days of concern and emotional buffeting. And in those times of stress and struggle, we often wear ourselves out looking for solutions to our problems rather than simply laying those problems at the feet of our Savior. In illness, we search for medicines and doctors and treatments. In financial distress, we search for jobs and loans and money. In emotional distress, we search for friends and relationships and happiness. Scripture tells us that “the discerning person looks to wisdom.”

And, fortunately for us, wisdom isn’t a what, but a Who. Wisdom is our Lord who is all knowledge, all wisdom, all solutions to our problems. The psalmist writes: “I lift up my eyes to the hills—from where will my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121: 1-2 NRSV). Our help doesn’t come from the heavens or the earth, but rather from the Creator of them. The “eyes of the fool” look to the ends of the earth for solutions to problems. The discerning look to the Creator of the earth.

S. D. Gordon, a Christian from the turn of the previous century (1856-1936) once wrote: “You can do more than pray after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray before you have prayed.” It’s a quotation that I printed and framed and have hanging on my office wall. The fact is, we cannot seek solutions to our problems unless we have first sought the Lord. He is the solution to all of our problems and the discerning person looks to Him before she looks to do anything else.

S. D. Gordon writes further: “The greatest thing any one can do for God and for man is to pray. It is not the only thing. But it is the chief thing. A correct balancing of the possible powers one may exert puts it first. For if a man is to pray right, he must first be right in his motives and life. And if a man be right, and put the practice of praying in its right place, then his serving and giving and speaking will be fairly fragrant with the presence of God. The great people of the earth to-day are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer; nor those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer, but I mean these people who take time and pray. They have not time. It must be taken from something else. This something else is important. Very important, and pressing, but still less important and less pressing than prayer. There are people that put prayer first, and group the other items in life's schedule around and after prayer. These are the people to-day who are doing the most for God; in winning souls; in solving problems; in awakening churches; in supplying both men and money for mission posts; in keeping fresh and strong these lives far off in sacrificial service on the foreign field where the thickest fighting is going on; in keeping the old earth sweet awhile longer. It is wholly a secret service. We do not know who these people are, though sometimes shrewd guesses may be made. I often think that sometimes we pass some plain-looking woman quietly slipping out of church; gown been turned two or three times; bonnet fixed over more than once; hands that have not known much of the softening of gloves; and we hardly give her a passing thought, and do not know, nor guess, that perhaps she is the one who is doing far more for her church, and for the world, and for God than a hundred who would claim more attention and thought, because she prays; truly prays as the Spirit of God inspires and guides. Let me put it this way: God will do as a result of the praying of the humblest one here what otherwise he would not do. Yes, I can make it stronger than that, and I must make it stronger, for the Book does. Listen: God will do in answer to the prayer of the weakest one here what otherwise He could not do” (from http://www.raptureready.com/resource/gordon/gordon9.html).

In the midst of our storm, rather than be obsessed with doing, we should be obsessed with praying, with seeking out the wisdom that comes from the Father and with which He is fully ready and able to take care of the storm for us if we will but allow Him to do so.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:22

“A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.” NRSV

We visited a church with our kids on Sunday. The pastor, in trying to make a point about honesty, addressed the dynamic that occurs when friends meet together: “How are you?” “I’m fine.” He concluded that often the “I’m fine” is actually a lie because we aren’t fine.

But are we?

As Christians should we have any opportunity for griping or complaining, moaning or groaning? Or are we actually stating a truth when we say “I’m fine,” a truth that perhaps we really don’t embrace but which is a truth nonetheless? Paul wrote: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NRSV). All things work together for good. In other words, if we aren’t fine now, we are soon going to be so because God is working everything together for our good. That’s a promise worth clinging to. We are fine because God is working things out. Even those things we can’t see still contain His hand, His plan.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul wrote: “Five times I have received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I received a stoning. Three times I was shipwrecked; for a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from bandits, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers and sisters; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, hungry and thirsty, often without food, cold and naked” (11:24-27 NRSV). And yet, in 4:17, he calls these things “light afflictions.” The NCV calls them “small troubles.” And if these things are small troubles, then surely what we are going through is minuscule! Why would we not have a cheerful heart?

I think we need to ask ourselves where we focus our attention. Are we focusing on our glass being half empty or half full? The man who is dying of thirst would cheerfully accept a half glass of water, while only the glutton would complain that there was only a half glass instead of a full glass. If we expect to have all of our lusts fulfilled, then we will complain when God blesses us with just enough for today. If we expect the road to be difficult and full of “light afflictions,” then we will rejoice when the burdens are lightened further by God’s blessings.

The fact is, we need to be that cheerful heart in the midst of a dying world. We need to be that good medicine. And we aren’t being fake or false or untruthful when we do say, “I’m fine,” because the fact is, because of the Lord Jesus, we are fine! We are more than fine. We are “more than conquerors” (Romans 8:37) because we have the Lord and all that He wants to give us. Let’s be that cheerful heart in the midst of the sorrow.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:21

“The one who begets a fool gets trouble; the parent of a fool has no joy.” NRSV

Foolish children aren’t born, they’re made . . . by their parents. As Americans, we are so brainwashed with certain ideas, often we aren’t even aware that we are allowing our children to raise themselves, rather than taking the constant responsibility to teach them as we should. Recently, on the Wrightslaw web page (a service for parents who have children with disabilities), an Indian child specialist commented about how American parents ask their children, rather than simply telling them (or compelling them). In other words, we give our children choices, as if somehow having options is a teaching tool. (In fact, there are teachers that teach that way in the classroom, often to the downfall of education.)

Presenting options to a person assumes that the person can tell the difference between the wise and the foolish and will instinctively make the wise decision. However, that isn’t the way we are born. The apostle Paul even acknowledged that as a saved adult, he struggled with making the correct choices: “For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do” (Romans 17:18-19 NRSV). And yet, if we as parents present our children with choices, our expectation is that the children will make the wise, the righteous choice.

One of the things we need to remember is that choices become habits. If our children are given the opportunity to choose over and over again, the basis of that choice becomes a habit. So, if the child chooses based on the lusts of his flesh, then that basis becomes a habit . . . hard to break.

Do children know how to choose wisely? To answer that, we must ask ourselves, do children know how to choose and deny their own wants and desires? And, given the choice, will they always choose to deny themselves? (Because that is the wise choice.) When we allow children to make choices, we need to understand what we are actually allowing them to practice. What is practicing choices really going to teach them?

First, if we allow them to make wrong choices, then we need to never mitigate the consequences. And even that may not teach children to make good choices because the consequences may not have meaning for them. They may not even be able to connect the consequences with the action (or may not care). For example, if we allow children to go to school in the snow wearing shorts and flip flops, the fact that they are praised by their peers (for doing something their peers weren’t allowed to do) may be a greater consequence than the serious cold that they get being exposed to the cold.

Second, if we allow them to make wrong choices, they may become addicted to choosing based on their wants and desires rather than making good choices based on what is best. In other words, practicing making choices may not accomplish what it is we really want to accomplish and may, in fact, raise a foolish child who will do everything possible to avoid mature adult decisions in the future.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train children in the right way.” The word chanak also means to narrow. If we narrow their way (only allowing them to make wise decisions), we actually train them how to live and create habit patterns that will stay with them for life. If we want to have joy in our children, we need to be willing to invest time and effort in raising them to make wise decisions. (For some of us, don’t we wish that our parents had done that?)

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:19

“One who loves transgression loves strife; one who builds a high threshold invites broken bones.” NRSV

I have a terrible tendency to want, to need to be right. And if my opinions, my way is always right, then I am likely going to be in contention with those around me who see and perceive the world differently than I do. Psalm 94:4 equates arrogance (the need to be right): “They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast” (NRSV). Demanding that only our way is right is the same as boasting. And arrogance isn’t the way of the believer. The believer is called to be humble. In fact, when we are humble, we are obedient, but when we are not humble—when we are arrogant and self-seeking—we are living in strife with those around us and are in sin. In fact, it is impossible to please God unless we are humble: “Before I was humbled I went astray, but now I keep your word.” (Psalm 119:67 NRSV).

The fact is, those of us who love to be right love strife because it’s in strife that we are proven right. We are attracted to debates, to “hot” topics, to the more edgier conversations (sarcasm, etc.). The problem is that such tendencies lead to sin because they place us above others. This isn’t how a Christian is supposed to act: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4 NRSV).

The KJV translates “selfish ambition” as “strife.” Interesting, because this is the same idea that Proverbs is saying. In other words, if the other person becomes angry, hurt, or offended because of something we said or did, then we need to rethink what we did. Do we so love to be right that we invite strife?

There are standards which we can’t cross, but how we uphold them may be as important as the standards themselves. Are we humble, kind, and gentle in our upholding? Or are we arrogant and demanding? Are we more concerned about loving others and being obedient . . . or are we more concerned about being right? There is a balance and that balance involves our being willing to take any hurt that may result, rather than asking the other person to suffer because of us.

The other point may involve emotional detachment. Most proverbs are written in couplets; that is, they both say the same thing too different ways. Think about building emotional walls, a high threshold. Those of us who refuse (or are reluctant) to be vulnerable at the risk of being hurt may actually invite hurts into our lives. If we are expecting to be hurt, then likely we will be easily offended. If we, instead, trust the Lord to protect us and understand that how others are feeling is more important than how we are feeling may actually suffer less. If we seal ourselves off from others because we don’t want to be hurt anymore, we may actually be inviting hurts to come. The slivers of life may harm us more greatly than huge boulders hurt the one who is trusting God in all things.

The fact is, the Lord wants us to get our eyes off ourselves and onto those around us. There isn’t even one time in our lives where we are allowed to think about our own priorities, our own desires, our own needs. To care for us, that’s the Lord’s responsibility and He’s infinitely good at it! To care for others, that’s our responsibility and it’s something we need to practice with much greater effort.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:17 (again)

“A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.” NRSV

These days everything is throw-away. We love our fast food disposable society. Our cars break down; we buy new ones. Our homes need remodeling; we buy bigger ones. Our relationships sour; we find new “families.” We’ve lost an important sense of investment in life. Rather than invest, we throw out. And we fail to learn many important lessons when we live like this. We also may find ourselves on the short end of the stick when adversity strikes because we won’t have established the kind of relationships and skills that are necessary to persevere through the hard times.

It’s interesting that this proverb talks about “kinsfolk” as being those born to share adversity. There is an importance in family. If not, God wouldn’t have equated the Church with family. In fact, the institution of family isn’t an earthly creation, but rather a heavenly one: “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.” (Ephesians 3:14-15 NRSV). When we relate within a family structure, we are imitating heaven. And when we discard our family in the name of convenience or discord, we are denying the importance that God places on family.

The fact is, family doesn’t come easily. Regardless of relation of blood or legal ties, a family is a group of people with different perspectives who will, at times, be in discord. Sometimes the hurt within family members is so deep as to cause horrible discord. But as believers it is our job to rely upon the power of the Holy Spirit to look for ways to minister rather than ways to separate.

If kinsfolk are born to share adversity, then not only is our family to be there for us when we are experiencing adversity, but we are to be there for them! And even more so if we are believers and they are not. We live in the power of the Holy Spirit, able to express His fruit in our lives, to reach out to those who are hurting and lonely and angry in a far more able way than those who aren’t saved. How sad that we often leave unbelievers to themselves to try to work out their adversity when we have living within us the One Who can vanquish all hurts, dry all tears.

If we look at this verse in a metaphorical sense, we are born (again) to share the adversity of the family, both our earthly family and our heavenly family. One of the purposes that we are left on this earth is to reach out to those who are hurting around us in the love and power of the Holy Spirit. If we believe that God truly loves us and will care for us, then we are able to shed our own personal concerns and be concerned for those around us. We are born again to share adversity. When we realize our purpose in life, we are more able to focus ourselves where we should, not on our own concerns, but on the concerns of those around us.

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).

Proverbs 17:17

“A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity.” NRSV

Prior to the giving of the Holy Spirit (in the NT), those who followed the Lord (predominantly Israelites) had only the capacity for earthly love, not for heavenly or agape love since they loved out of their own ability and not through the spiritual ability of the Spirit. However, there were still higher standards of behavior given. In the Law, the Lord required:

“You shall not hate in your heart anyone of your kin; you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself. 18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:17-18 NRSV

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. It was this law that was discussed by the lawyer and the Lord Jesus in Luke 10:

“Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’

“He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’

“He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.’

And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’

“But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’” (v. 25-29 NRSV).

As yourself. How do we love ourselves? Well, first, as the proverb states, we love ourselves at all times. We may not always like ourselves, but we surely always love ourselves in the sense that we are always looking out for our interests first. Even in the cases of suicide (extreme self-destruction), we are being self-centered. Our baseline position is always to do what we want to do or what we decide to do, to think of ourselves first, to serve our own purposes. And so, we love ourselves at all times. Father God commanded (in the Law) that we love our “neighbor” as ourselves, at all times. This is echoed in this proverb: “A friend loves at all times.”

A friend is a confident, a personal companion, someone with whom we share our lives, our experiences, even our intimate thoughts. Unfortunately these days we make “friends” with just about anyone and everyone, sharing ourselves freely and then taking offense when we are hurt. We want friends for ourselves, but we find ourselves not necessarily being good friends to others. Again, because our position often is self-centered, self-grasping.

Rather than look at this proverb in the sense of what we should expect from our friends, perhaps we should ask ourselves what kind of friend should we be to others? A friend loves at all times. And, as believers, we live under the definition of agape, God-love, given in 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (v. 4-7 NRSV). How can we, as a friend, love all the time? The first thing, I think, is to forgive all the time. We bear all things, endure all things, including offenses against us or faults in others that we despise. We continue to forgive and aren’t irritable or resentful when those around us do hurtful things.

It’s interesting that the first component listed in this list is patience. Strong’s defines patience as “to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others; to be mild and slow in avenging; to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish.” Having patience is about the willingness to suffer without complaint or vengeance, about the willingness to endure pain and discomfort without moaning and groaning and making everyone notice how much you are suffering. It is out of patience that all the other characteristics of love bloom. One cannot be kind if one isn’t patient. One cannot avoid envy or boastful or arrogance or rudeness unless one is first patient. We, as humans, are like a mass of balls let loose in a pinball machine at the same time, We bang against the circumstances of life and each other, often causing harm where there is no intent. But because we are not patient, we hurt others.

A friend loves at all times. There is a saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” To be honest, it seems like we as believers have become softer as time goes on. And believers were never intended to be soft, to be incapable, to be (in local vernacular) wooses. “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13 NSRV). All things. Why? Because we do it through Christ Who Himself strengthens us. The God of all power and might stands beside us, behind us, within us to strengthen us to be patient, to be kind, to be loving, to be longsuffering . . . to be a friend who loves at all times.

Perhaps rather than asking ourselves why our friends aren’t the kind of friend we need, we should ask ourselves what kind of friend we are to others?

© 2009 Robin L. O’Hare. All Rights Reserved. International copyright reserved. This study may be copied for nonprofit and/or church purposes only without permission when copied in its entirety (including this notice).